The Scumbag Times

Winnie the Pooh

2009-04-30T13:25:00.003+01:00

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to....

2009-04-24T13:48:00.001+01:00

....Resign

(Please...)

Sign up here - you only have till October

And congratulations to Kalvis Jansons for starting this

H/T: the register

"I thought I told him to be a Pilot!!!"

2009-04-21T22:20:00.002+01:00

Oh dear, poor Mrs Wale Abdul Kadhir Muse thinks her son is just an innocent little boy who (probably) "never hurt no-one and never done nuffing".
Her son, poor Abde Wale Abdul Kadhir Muse (who is apparently only a child, yet apparently m,an enough to hang around wth a bung of pirates on a boat and wave round an AK47 demanding a ransom), was the only one to survive the yanks anti-piracy efforts earlier this month, and is now in New York on piracy charges (the yanks obviously having a more rubust view of dealing with them than the Dutch

Mrs Muse is now appealing to the whitehouse for her son's freedom (and a free ticket to America to be with him, where she will doubtless dissapear within a month.

I hope they hang the bastard from the nearest yardarm

Fuck me, the Iranians are using wookies now

2009-04-18T19:09:00.001+01:00

Sir Humphrey rips off shite BBC concept

2009-04-15T18:25:00.003+01:00

This made me laugh:

Apparently in a July it's the event of the season for mini-Sir Humphs, as hundreds of bowler hatted types gather at the London olympia to rub grades and compare blackberrys.

In what looks like a sop to the lower ranks, the organisers have teamed up with Ernst & Young (who doubtless have charged a considerable fee) and produced the laughably named "Lions' Lair"

Sound familiar?

So what's it all about then?

If you have an innovative idea you believe could help transform the Civil Service, however large or small, then Lions’ Lair is a unique opportunity to have it heard by senior government and industry experts.

Do you have an idea that embraces one of Sir Gus O’Donnell’s four Civil Service priorities, could it promote sustainability, skills, diversity or wellbeing amongst your colleagues?
Does your idea demonstrate pride, pace, professionalism and passion?

This bit is a corker

Similar to a popular TV show

Really?? Fuck me Holmes! I thought I'd heard of it somewhere....

And who do we have as the "Lions" in the Lair?

Peter Jones, CBE - Entrepreneur, National Enterprise Academy founder and TV Dragon (doubtless on a hefty fee and available for shamless format rip-offs)
Helen Ghosh - Permanent Secretary, Defra (Sir Humphry)
David Bell - Permanent Secretary, DCSF (Sir Humphry)
Robin Tye - Head of Government Services, Ernst & Young (the sponsor, doubtless keen to rub shoulders with the Sir Humphs in the pursuit of future contracts)
Dame Gill Morgan - Permanent Secretary, Welsh Assembly Government (Sir Humphry)
Lin Homer - Chief Executive, UK Border Agency (Sir Humphry)

All together now Lions': -

"Grrrrrrrr"

Funny thing is that they've put the entry form on the internet so any old Tom, Dick or Blogger can now submit their ideas for how the civil service can promote sustainability, skills, diversity or wellbeing; or demonstrate pride, pace, professionalism and passion.

Anyone?

Don't trust the little bastards

2009-04-14T13:44:00.001+01:00

One rule for knacker...

2009-04-09T16:42:00.003+01:00

Some years ago, a mate of mine was living in rented accommodation with some other mates. They had a problem with some aspect of the house so called in the landlord, who being a typical example of the breed was a cheapskate fuck didn't want to fix the problem. A heated argument broke out, words were exchanged; and the landlord left.

15 minutes later he dropped dead of a heart attack.

The landlords son, who was as big a fucker, phones the police and claimed that my mate pushed his father over, and suggested that this caused the heart attack.
Inspector knacker promptly went round to the flat, arrested him for murder and carted him off for questioning. 6 hours later after his flatmates gave statements demonstrating that he went nowhere near the landlord, he was released and sent on his way. Once in a while we remember about this, most recently at his wedding when his blushing bride did not look at all happy when the first she ever heard of it was during the best mans speech... But anyway.

Contrast this with the efforts of inspector knacker in London. In London a man walking away from a group of tooled up, masked thugs with attack dogs (and lets not forget that apparently the knacker is question was a member of a TSG team, TSG generally having a reputation for being prone to "baton first, arrest second, rough up in the van third" behavior), was attacked from behind with a baton, then pushed to the floor and left lying on the ground for passers by to help.
So what do knacker do?
They acknowledge that Mr Tomlinson came "into contact with police"before he died, and taken the TSG thug in for a nice chat and a "compare notebooks" session with the rozzers watchdog.

This quote is a fucking corker from the met spokesman

"A total of four officers, inclusive of this officer, have now come forward with potentially relevant information in relation to the investigation into the death of Mr Tomlinson."

What the spokesman should have added was

After they had a nice long week or so to compare notebooks and make sure their stories all matched.

So if you're an average bloke and it's alleged you pushed someone over who then died, you get arrested for murder. If you're a rozzer and you do the same you get an easy ride and anonymity.The fucker hasn't even been suspended pending an investigation.

They may not have murdered him....

2009-04-07T19:19:00.003+01:00

...But they certainly didn't hold his hand while he crossed the road...

Hoons

From the Grauniads website and spotted by Old Holborn.... Wonder how long it takes for this little gem to go viral - then inspector knacker is a bit fucked

Hero of the day - Parky

2009-04-07T18:27:00.002+01:00

Seeing as he's old, retired and a bit of a national treasure, parky has used his position to say what many of us have been thinking

.....she came to represent "all that's paltry and wretched about Britain"

Her death is as sad as the death of any young person but it's not the passing of a martyr or a saint

She was brought up on a sink estate, as a child came to know both drugs and crime, was barely educated, ignorant and puerile

Thank fuck someone has broken the ranks of faux mourning and all the bullshit that has accompanied the slow lingering death of a stupid Essex racist. Pity he didn't give a good slagging off to the numpties who were throwing flowers at her funeral waggon at the weekend (hhad the misfortune to catch the "news" on saturday) - but you can't have it all ways...

For some reason I checked out the "speak your branes and was particularly impressed with the comment from "Debbie" who described her as "saint" - fucking deluded retard

And she can't spell "Angel"

Hoon de jour - Ed Milliband

2009-03-25T21:52:00.004Z

*with apologies for jumping on the Hoon bandwaggon*

Say hello to Scumbags nomination for todays biggest Hoon - Ed Milliband, brother of that condescending twat David.

Ed likes wind turbines.

Ed likes wind turbines a lot.

Ed has therefore decided that not liking wind turbines should now be "socially unacceptable", or to give this useless little turd ample rope to hang himself with:

"The Government needs to be saying 'It is socially unacceptable to be against wind turbines in your area - like not wearing your seat belt or driving past a zebra crossing.'

What the fuck?? The greenies really are getting desperate these days to convince an increasingly skeptical public about the evils of MMCC if they're reduced to this sort of bullshit. And this boy gets a ministerial salary, a whole department, and doubtless a whole army of toaies to tell him what a wonderful man he really is and how he's "making a difference". What a total Hoon.

Just fuck off Ed and take your piss-poor attempts at ramming your opinion down our throats with you

The wheels have fallen off Gordons waggon

2009-03-24T18:49:00.004Z

Absolutely glorious - on the first day of his pre-G20 grandstanding tour, Dan Hannan gives him a good kicking in the EU parliament - genius.

Watch it and laugh

Since I can't think of suitable flippancy...

2009-03-17T21:47:00.003Z

I'll let this do the job instead

From Mostly safe for work

Most cringeworthy newspaper front page of the day...

2009-03-16T19:32:00.005Z

I saw this and had to fight down the desire to burn the newspaper stand to the ground

Pob continues her quest to die with no grace what so ever

Oh happy days...

2009-03-15T19:54:00.002Z

After match after match of shitty performances, sin-bins and general fuck-ups; this little picture brings the sunshine back

Nothing like a good bit of Kermit bashing to warm the cockles of your heart

With apologies to Obnoxio The Clown....

2009-03-12T15:30:00.004Z

I'm going to steal his letter because....

Students have ended their occupation of part of Newcastle University over the plight of Palestinians in Gaza

according to the BBC - problem was that this earth shattering event hadn't even made it outside the university walls (my better half works there and hadn't heard a thing about it).

The students called for a public condemnation of recent Israeli attacks in the region.
A spokesman for the demonstrators said: "The occupation itself has ended at this point because we have been promised that the necessary steps will be taken immediately for our demands to be realised.
"We have no guarantee that our demands will be met, but are confident that the appropriate people will be present at these talks to continue our campaign effectively

What a bunch of naive idealistic morons. I assume they ended the protest when someone called their parents

So Obnoxio's sample letter (reproduced here for all to glory in) is now winging it's way to the inbox of Miss Irene Brown the Head of Fine Art (which I assume is little trinkets and pottery based on this photo)

Dear Miss Brown,

I believe a bunch of posturing idiots have occupied university property in some kind of deranged attempt to attract attention to the Gaza crisis, because, of course, it hasn't dominated the news sufficiently.

Well, I'd like to say that as a taxpayer, I hope you will sling these pompous, overweening fuckwits out on the street as soon as possible. Failing which, if you would care to place them in stocks on the front steps so that we can all come round and throw rotten fruit, eggs and jagged boulders at them for wasting our money, not only on the subsidies we give them, but on the subsidies we give to people who want to study but now cannot.

Since I'm sure that in this limp-wristed age of pandering to the idiotic there will be no such option available to you, I can only offer my fervent hope that all these cunts simultaneously contract face cancer and die lingering deaths.

Yours, etc.

As my old history teacher once said - it's not plagarism if you quote your sources....

Exclusive: First Jade Goody Wedding Photos Revealed

2009-02-24T19:11:00.005Z

Exclusive - The Scumbag Times bring you the hottest celebrity gossip and pictures

Jade looked stuning as she lounged in a pile of cashew nut shells

Kiss of death

2009-02-19T18:03:00.004Z

As if having your husband facing up to playing some maffiosi's pink oboe for the next four and a half years wasn't bad enough, the kiss of death appears to be now upon the haggard face of Tessa Jowell with the news that the Gorgon himself has declared his full confidence in poor Tessa

Tessa Jowell is the minister for the Olympics in our government and she's doing a very good job and I have confidence in her ability to continue doing that job

She is well and truly fucked. But at least she got her fella to pay off her mortgage before he got caught

Saving The Health & Safety Executive Some Money

2009-02-19T15:57:00.004Z

I'm a civic minded individual, and seeing as we're in a time of unprecedented global uncertainty and McBroon hasn't got round to saving the world just yet; I probably ought to put some of my time aside Pro Bono and do my civic duty.

So here's my report on an incident of some dozy 14 year old taff bint in Barry Island buring herself on a coin-op tan machine : -

Report of Injuries Sustained by Kirsty McRae of Barry Island, on the 16th Feb 2009, in the Yakky-Dah stand n'tan salon, Barry Island

Self inflicted due to stupidity

End

Ouch

Funniest thing is that apparently her Mum is a health & safety officer.... Oh the fucking glorious irony

Back in saddle

2009-02-18T19:41:00.003Z

Not that anybody gives a rats fuck but real life has kind of got in the way of talking shite on here. If I cared enough I'd apologise. But I don't.

Back to business - what has caught my eye this week?? This little corker for a starters:

"The government could have to bail out Private Finance Initiative projects to the tune of £4bn in the next 18 months, an industry spokesman has warned."

What the fuck?? What the fucking fuck was that???

The government could have to bail out Private Finance Initiative projects to the tune of £4bn

Hang on a fucking minute - PFI works in 2 ways
1) the government transfer its assets like buildings over to PFI companies, pay the companies a ridiculous amount of wonga to run them, so the company has asset plus income. Or
2) The government pays a PFI company a ridiculous figure per year to supply them with a school, prison or hospital, getting thoroughly shafted into the the bargain and saddling the taxpayer with a 25 year-ish bill

So the PFI company is quids in - and lets not forget that at the height of the PFI bubble big companies were fighting like rats in a sack to get their lips round the governments teet - but yet when itall looks to go tits up they have the brass fucking balls to come back to the trough wanting bail-outs and more cash making .

The whole point of PFI is that the private sector take the risk in return for a huge wad of cash. Not take the cash in return for a taxpayer bailout if things get rocky.
Fuckers. Words fail me; especially when I end up agreeing with the fucking Lib Dems and their school of wolly thinking

"We need to be very careful about the taxpayer taking all the risks and the private partners taking all the benefits," (Vince Cable)

In other news, Lord Mandelson of Bum swears at a coffee retailer after they have the temerity criticise the state of our tattered economy. Bless

How???

2009-02-07T01:10:00.004Z

Since it's Friday night and much single malt has been imbibed - I'll ask what everyone is thinking

How come this kermit.....

Manages to sweet-talk this lady.... Bearing in mind they are both french and therefore the "kermit bullshit" factor cancels out...

Well???

Good - harder next time

2009-02-07T00:54:00.002Z

Far from me to encourage violence and law breaking...

But next time someone ought to at least punch the the cunt

please

Round 1 to the strikers

2009-02-04T22:11:00.002Z

So it's over for now - a fudge has duly been made and some jobs will be given to UK workers.

Mandelsnake has been made to look a cock after saying it would be a "huge mistake" to engage in protectionism, which is exactly what happened after guarantees were given that over 50% of the workforce would be British.

The unions tried to put a glos on the whole thing claiming

people had had enough of employers using "unjust laws" to "pitch one European worker against fellow European workers" in the pursuit of profit

So a bit of good old British xenophobia never came into it then?? Of Course not. Salt of the earth those lads.

But where's going to be next?

My money's on train drivers

BNP on the up...

2009-02-02T19:42:00.004Z

While attempting to throw abuse at Newcastle Council over the lack of road gritting (as per fucking usual - sackless bastards) I stumbled across this little factoid on the councils website

Byelection Results for Fenham Ward - 29 January 2009

Mitzi Emery (Lib-Dem) 1049
Helen McStravick (Lab) 1025
Ken Booth (BNP) 836
Sarah Armstrong (Con) 186

So the Tories got thrashed, the useless fuckers in the lib dems hold, and the BNP come third

But compare it to May 2008 elections
May 2008 Result: Lib-Dem 1491, Lab 1188, BNP 295, Con 290.

Yep - in just over 18 months the BNP have almost trebled their vote. Problem is that Fenham is heavily populated by 1st, 2nd & 3rd generation immigrant families, and in the past 10 years the ethinic minorities are now ethnic majorities.
Since the white minority left in the area by and large can't be arsed to get off their sofas and switch off Jeremy Kyle for anything less than cashing thier giros (and even then mostly can't spell X in order to actually vote) ; I wonder who is voting for the BNP in increasing numbers

Southern England shafted by 3 inches

2009-02-02T13:13:00.005Z

Look mummy!! It's snowing!!!!

Fuck me sideways - it's a total breakdown of the UK!!!!! There must be all of, errrr, about 3 inches of snow outside!!!!

How you poor darlings must be coping with it down there I'll never know.

Global warming has spoiled you lot.

-------------------------------------------
Update 5.15 pm.

The BBC says the country (i.e the south) is braced for another night of snow.

Hang in there you brave boys and girls.

Good to see Hamas keeping the ceasfire

2009-02-01T19:08:00.003Z

Peace continues to reign supreme in the middle east

two rockets hit southern Israel. Later three Israelis were injured in a mortar barrage by Palestinian militants

Sweet jesus.

Yet at the same time

An adviser to Ismail Haniya, who heads the Hamas government in Gaza, told AFP news agency the militant group was waiting for Israel's response to a truce offer, transmitted by Egypt, adding that things were "moving in a positive direction

I assume "Israel's response" will now be military - and understandably really since Hamas have a funny way of keeping a ceasefire.

Also to add into the mix, even the PLO are getting fucked off at the attitude of Hamas in Gaza these days

Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas told journalists in Cairo that talks were impossible with anyone who rejected the supremacy of the Palestine Liberation Organisation, in an apparent reference to Hamas's leadership.
He also accused Hamas of putting Palestinian lives at risk.
"They... have taken risks with the blood of Palestinians, with their fate, and dreams and aspirations for an independent Palestinian state,"

But at least Hamas are fighting a clean, ethical liberation struggle

a rocket landed between two nursery schools in Eshkol region of southern Israel, media reports said

Which seems to fit with the Hamas tactics from back in early January when Mahmoud al-Zahar said:

The Israelis have sentenced their children to death... They have legitimized the killing of their people all over the world

What a nice chap he isn't

In other news those loonies at the stop the war coalition have organised a "songs for gaza" event. I can hardly fucking wait,

Green really is the new Nazism

2009-02-01T17:38:00.004Z

With scorn poured on it from most angles and in far more elequent / sweary terms than I can; I probably should just leave it at calling Jonathon Porritt a vile fucker, who should fuck off back to whatever stone he crawled out from under rather than suckling from the carbon-producing taxpayers teet (the hypocritical bastard).

You are free to do as we tell you

"I think we will work our way towards a position that says that having more than two children is irresponsible" - Herr Porritt

Porritt is chair of The Optimum Population Trust (a charity, 'natch) - who seem to want to encourage the limiting of the population by whatever means possible (though I suspect being a bunch of tree-hugging lefties it won't include concepts such as placing theoretical caps on annual immigration as that's beyond the pale for most lefties - it's easier to harrang the existing population)

Porritt, a former chairman of the Green party, says the government must improve family planning, even if it means shifting money from curing illness to increasing contraception and abortion

Thus we have the invention of a new reason to abort "I'm savin' the environment innit". I wonder how they will square the circle of respecting cultural diversity (where cultures dictate large families) and saving the planet - but doubtless the catholics will be fair game.
He also seems to advocate letting people die to save the planet. Cunt

And this is why we shouldn't trust electronic enforcement

2009-01-31T23:47:00.004Z

Because some corrupt bastard will abuse it.

Thousands of drivers in Italy are expected to seek compensation after it was revealed that a system to catch them jumping red lights was rigged.

Yep - you read it right - but here's the killer

More than 100 people, including police officers, are being investigated as part of the fraud.

And to cap it all off...

More than 100 other people including 63 police commanders are also being investigated as part of the scam

Power corrupts??? No fucking shit Sherlock.

End of the day, if you build a computer system to photograph driver based on them cutting a red light by 3 seconds, or by 5 seconds, it hangs on what a programmer says it should do (and this can always be changed for profit or fun) - so why are we still persisting with the lie that a secure ID database will be uncorruptable?

The peasants are revolting

2009-01-30T22:46:00.007Z

So it begins... And earlier than I expected as well (I had my money on mid June when the proles went to convert their holiday money into euros for the fortnight in Benidorm and realised how fucked our currency is against the euro).

It appears that the peasants have reverted to solidarity strikes and random walkouts in heavy industry up and down the country (though correct me if I'm wrong - but I though secondary action was illegal? I'd laugh my fucking tits off if the bastards all got the sack) as they're upset that Johnny foreigner is getting the work (though they probably only have themselves to blame when the Wops are a better employment prospect that the average UK numpty)

So we now have the hilarious situation of the unions, who lets not forget are normally rabidly pro-EU, having to back their members in a dispute where they will be forced to criticise the EU for it's free trade. Oh the delicious joy of it all, compounded by the fact that Cyclops will have to bow to his union paymasters and fudge some solution (inevitably pissing off the EU who will doubtless threaten action) to keep the unions happy.
So how they can reconcile this:

Pat McFadden, minister for employment relations, said Mr Brown had not meant UK firms would be encouraged to flout European laws on free mobility of labour when he promised "British jobs for British workers"

With this: -

Some of these companies ... are saying they will exclusively debar UK workers, they will not consider UK workers under any circumstances - Derek Simpson, Unite general secretary

Will be an even bigger joy. I believe the phrase "he who pays the piper call the tune" will now apply and nulabour will be fucked either way. Happy days. Expect the shit to hit the fan on Monday when the unions all get together and plan their next move, while the average heavy industry worker goes and has a chat to his local BNP rep.

Sarah Richardson is.....

2009-01-23T21:16:00.003Z

Dead.....

Apparently.....

And there I was thinking only the fucking Chinese did this sort of crazy shit over a chuffing computer app... But apparently not.

Sarah Richardson invoked the wrath of her hubby by changing her facebot status to "single". In response he stabbed and killed her - jesus wept. This country gets more surreal every day.

Edward Richardson is: Now doing time

More Courage

2009-01-21T19:31:00.002Z

From the author of this: -

We get yet more bottling

Ministers (and for that we can read "Brown") have shelved plans to exempt MPs' expenses details from the Freedom of Information Act, after the Tories and Lib Dems said they would fight it.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown said the government had thought it had cross-party agreement but would now "continue to consult on the matter".

Unbelievable - just this morning he was wheeling out a 3 line whip, 12 hours later it's all in tatters. Perhaps now we'll finally get to see what the great & the good at Westminster blow our taxes on

I love the screeching sound of a U-turn

Are you the Judean Peoples Front??

2009-01-18T18:27:00.014Z

....And as well know - the correct response is "Fuck off" - as demonstrated by some photos from the Trots assembly in Sheffield yesterday.

Witness this woman, covering all her leftie bases with a "No to Isreali Defence Force, No To Hamas" banner (with it's other side blathering something about solidarity with women & comrades). This seemingly level headed approach seemed out of touch with some at the march, with them taking offence at being against agression on both sides.
Thus we have this man (complete with megaphone for slogan shouting)

Ripping the "No to IDF, No To Hamas" banner off some young lassy, trashing it, and then getting back to the serious business of shouting in this hillarious montage of solidarity with fellow comrades

In the last image - notice the man with the brown coat in the foreground? He now decides to get involved

He moves in to finish the job, before rejoining his wife & watching kids, who doubtless have enjoyed seeing daddy get angry

Isn't it fun when comrades fall out?

Good money after bad

2009-01-18T18:11:00.004Z

Jesus wept.

Having spunked 37 billion up the wall bailing out feckless bankers and having seen it totally fail; what does the dear leader do??

You guessed it - He announces he'll spunk another 10+ billion (probably, and at least) of our money up the wall bailing out yet more feckless bankers and failed financial institutions from their own incompetence and greed.

What an absolute sackless shite we have as a leader

Ceasefire? What ceasefire

2009-01-18T12:18:00.003Z

So after a lot of to'ing and fro'ing, and both sides hollering "war crime!" at each other. Israel was finally pushed into declaring a ceasefire.

So what happens??

A volley of rockets has been fired into southern Israel from Gaza, hours after a unilateral Israeli ceasefire began.

Oh for fucks sake. So what happens?

Israel launched an air strike on Gaza in response.

No surprise there really. What did Hamas think would happen? After someone's just given you a good kicking, you don't call their mother a slut.

Of course it would be outrageous to suggest that Hamas actually wants a fight wouldn't it?

Proof the trots really don't have any grip

2009-01-17T00:32:00.004Z

H/T to Harrys Place

Before the messiah even takes office, the commies have decried him as a terrorist.

Fucking nutters

Next time I am in Newcastle on a Saturday (presumably the only day of the week the socialist worker brigade are allowed out because they have done their homework on time) I plan to give these fuckers some shit for being off the fucking radar.

Also this sets a new record in the "how rapidly the mighty are fallen" stakes

More god botherers chuck bricks out of pram

2009-01-16T23:01:00.004Z

Hot(ish) on the heels of the BA woman and her crucifix, and the bloke who wouldn't give relationship advice to gays comes yet another god botherer who refuses to drive his bus because Richard Dawkins & co have put a "there's probably no god" advert on it.

So say hello to Ron Heather.

Ron Heather, from Southampton, Hampshire, responded with "shock" and "horror" at the message and walked out of his shift on Saturday in protest.

Has he been sacked or even reprimanded for causing inconvenience to customers of First Bus, who - doubtless because they have to get the bus in the first place - are the usual mix of the elderly, the infirm and the skint? Of course he hasn't -

"I felt that I could not drive that bus, I told my managers and they said they haven't got another one and I thought I better go home, so I did.

So Ron goes off in a huff, and his employers do this:

First Bus said it would do everything in its power to ensure Mr Heather does not have to drive the buses. When he returned to work on Monday he was called into a meeting with managers and agreed to go back to work with the promise he would only have to drive the buses if there were no others available

What the fuckidy-fuck??? I'm not nostradamus, but I'm guessing the fuckers in his union has some pressure to bear on this one (as they always do, bastards).

But understand this Ron - you are employed to drive people from place to place and collect fares - the colour, or advertising on your bus will in no way affect your ability to do this - be it red, blue of fucking glittery pink, you drive the bus and that is the end of it. Your contract does not give you the right to decide the livery and advertising of your bus. You are a hyper-senitive fucker and deserve the sack for refusing to do your job; not fucking tea & sympathy for your excessive sensitivity. At what point did you think you have the right to renegotiate your terms & conditions based on the adverts on your bus? You don't like it then quit and get a job bringing the light of christ into peoples lives. Or maybe not.

Sack the bastard and see how his faith will provide him with a living wage in the middle of a recession. Stupid twat.

I predict a riot

2009-01-15T21:32:00.004Z

Not that I give a flying shit. But if you plan on visiting London this saturday, the soap-dodgers, guardian readers & foaming mouthed trots who make up the stop the war coalition, bolstered by assorted Hamas / Iran / Al qaeda supporters and that cock George Galloway will be holding another day of anger in Trafalgar square. Doubtless topped off by a walk to the Israeli embassy for another dust-up with plod

I'm assuming it'll be along similar lines to last week (ineffectual hippy girl tries to control young masked Muslim men and stop them throwing shit at the rozzers)

Maybe this time they'll kick-off properly and we'll get to see angry young men being water-cannoned into the gutter.

Another Loony North East Councillor

2009-01-15T18:26:00.004Z

Meet Councillor Henri Murison, (representative for Heaton South, Newcastle)

Crazy name, crazy guy.

But behind those glasses is the mind of a man who is so dense he thinks he can embark on a 1-man crusade to remove the burger from the hands of the average tyneside drinker and replace it with a healthy salad box.

What a fucking cretin

Henri, being a labour party member - and hence desperate to kill off the free market and replace it with his own ideas of what is required for the populace - is very keen that people who have spent the entire night filling their guts with lager, smirnoff ice, cheap spirits etc have the opportunity to undo all that harm by forcing them to eat salads instead of a nice mechanically recovered meat patty in a bun.

Thus, in his desperation to enforce what he feels is "the right thing to do", and being unable to wheel out the "will someone think of the children" as justification; is using the "public health" card to force burger vans to offer low fat alternatives. Sadly this lunatic seems to have overlooked a few small facts: -

Salads after a night on the piss are not an appetising option - a nice steaming pile of meat is
Most of the residents of the north east are already fat fuckers who have been dodging salads as a region for the past 50 years - an extra burger after a night on the wife-beater will not make things any worse now.
It is so, unbelievably, anti-free market and idiotically anti-small business it's fucking staggering. Personally I'd not touch a burger from a van with a shitty stick. But if you force them to sell healthy options and restrict their trade, the punters will bugger off to mcdonalds, subway or elsewhere (who these days are open till dawn in most cities), and have an equally unhealthy mcshit in a bun, to the detriment of the small business.

So there we have it - Henri doesn't believe in free enterprise, is a dillusional control freak who thinks he can make the people of tyneside thin, and really needs to get a grip

Note: - despite reading this story in my local free rag that gets shoved through the door if I want it or not along with a clutch of adverst for "Jobbing" (pikey) builders, double glazing fuckers and pizza companies; I can't find it anywhere on the web or even on the local rags website - happily though their website did inform me that Greggs plan to provision a drive through pastie outlet on Tyneside. Oh fucking joy

Crispy Pancake Shortage, Riots on Tyneside

2009-01-12T21:56:00.004Z

Browns Bullshit Corporation are reporting that the factory that manufactures Findus Crispy Pancakes has gone bust - with Longbenton's (a shitty little hole in the shitty big hole that is North Tyneside) sponsorship status now under threat (and I shit you fucking not - Longbenton really boasts that it is "sponsored by findus crispy pancakes" - look!!)

Having worked in this craphole I fully expect the fat fuckers of north tyneside to drag themselves off their sofas, down to iceland and riot for their right to eat shitty mechanically recovered meat wrapped in lard and breadcrumbs.

Councillor Ahmed Khan

2009-01-12T19:41:00.008Z

This grinning baldy b'stard

is a truancy encouraging, divisionist idiot who is quite prepared to hide behind schoolchildren and fuck up their education to show "solidarity" with the Palestinians.

Muslim children took the day off school to hold a protest over the violence in Gaza.

Did they now??? No Christians allowed? No Jews? Sikhs? Or would their parents have objected to being used as political tools by some grandstanding councillor? Or is there another card being played?

Councillor Ahmed Khan of the Beacon and Bents ward, who organised the event, said there were no banners and the vigil was be "non-disruptive."

Congratulations Ahmed - because a "disruptive" protest about violence in Gaza would have been a bit stupid eh? And a "disruptive" protest is actually, errr, normally called "a riot" you tosser.

So what have we got on the charge sheet then?

Encouraging mass truancy
Manipulation of children
Manipulation of ethinic minorities
Questionable moral behaviour

Utter despicable moron

A South Tyneside Council spokesman said: "We sympathise with everyone who has concerns about the loss of life and horrific injuries on both sides of the conflict.
"However, in line with guidance from the government, we will be advising head teachers to mark the absences as unauthorised.

Good - I have made a complaint to South Tynesides truancy officer as per their web page regarding truancy and asked for councilor Kahn to be investigated.

There will also be a complaint to the standards board, and depending if I have any beer tonight, an e-mail to Ahmed to enquire how he justifies the loss of around 600 hours of valuable education to ethnic minorities, who are often the most excluded in the education system - his e-mail is ahmed.khan(at)southtyneside.gov.uk if anyone else wants to ask him as well

Ahmed - you are a manipulative piece of work

Newcastle Council are a bunch of Twats

2009-01-08T18:31:00.004Z

The idiotic Lib Dem shitehawks who run Newcastle council have decided that they will use my taxes to spunk up the wall on Keynesian spending plans including "Regeneration projects" (Pikey builders putting shitty double glazing and loft lagging into the houses of the workshy), "Raising benefits" (again for the workshy / lazy) and "Pensions" (doubtless gold-plating the ones of the overpaid fuckers leading the council on 100+K a year).

Utter, utter bastards - what should my heard earned pay be blown on feather-bedding the bastards who already get the moon on a fucking stick. Why can't they get their pitiful brains round the concept that you cannot spend your way out of a recession by taxing the working stiffs - possibly because they nicked the idea from central government (doubtless on the logic that if the Gorgon is screwing the country rotten propping up failed banks, no-one will notice if they follow his lead), and partially because the Lib Dems are at risk of getting the boot at the next local elections if they're not seen to make sure the fat and lazy get their council tax benefits and free sauna sessions.

The only rays of hope are that they'll spend some of the money on improving the absolutely shoddy road network up here (though the amount of work they'll get out of 7 mil won't be much based on the time it took them to widen 200 meters of road by 8 meters - 6 fucking months) and sacking some 500 diversity caseworkers and organic beansprout advisers.

Happily though in the interests of interactivity I was able to tell them what a bunch of twats they were via their "what do you think of our budget" feedback page on the website. But I doubt they'll listen

Destination: Hell. Method of Transport: Handcart

2009-01-08T18:14:00.001Z

Proof positive that the idiots running this country are even more bonkers than we thought comes via an extended rant by Bristol Dave - excellent but scary stuff - it appears that Bristol council truly have lost the plot

And The Fucker Walked Away

2009-01-08T18:09:00.004Z

I wonder how long he rolled around on the floor clutching his face like the overpaid cunt he his

Diddums

Bricks, Prams etc

2009-01-07T20:17:00.004Z

Can normal service resume now?

Shame (Part 2)

2009-01-05T18:52:00.003Z

Oh what a pity this happened: -

Jug eared child killer Sean Mercer got a good kicking over Christmas at HMP Moorland in Doncaster.

And I'm sure if we all listen carefully we can hear the sound of the smallest violin in the world striking up a tune just for poor little Sean.

A Prison Service spokeswoman said: "We can confirm an incident took place at HMP Moorland at 2.30pm on Saturday, December 27, in which two prisoners assaulted each other.
"The incident lasted less than two minutes and was quickly resolved by the timely intervention of staff."

And a tenner says that for about 1 minute 50 seconds of the incident, the prison staff were standing just round the corner, possibly counting the number of bricks in the wall.

Scumbag knows a few people who work as a prison guards and has been told a rather hearwarming story of some crim or the other, freshly delivered to prison after being found guilty of murdering some granny. The guards delivered him into a room containing other prisoners - who'd been tipped off about this fuckers arrival and the reasons behind his conviction - went out of the room, counted slowly to 100, went back into the room and dragged said crim out of the room and off to have his injuries treated.

Sean Mercer has 22 years of beatings to look forward to - some involving a pool cue no doubt.

A Euro sceptic in charge of the EU

2009-01-04T22:02:00.003Z

The czech's are now holding the EU presidency, and their president is a bit of a forthright fella (the translation is a babelfish one - hence some of the odd wording) who seems very suspicious of the EU as a whole

The Kermit paper Le Monde approached him for an off the cuff interview and got a fantastic rebuff:-

Klaus: “An interview with Le Monde? No!.

La Monde: “??”

Klaus: “No, do not insist! You are of the left, and fanatically pro-european!

Class - this promises to be an interesting 6 months in EU-land and I'll lay money on there being a bunch of fucked off euro-nuts at the end of it

Shame

2009-01-04T18:46:00.003Z

Apparently George Galloway was "injured" yesterday during the protests yesterday

I do hope it was serious.

-----------------------

Update: -

And here's a picture from yesterday that gives it all away, amusingly dwarfing the "Israel = terror" banner just behind it.

I expect to see all these people out in support of Zimbabwe, Darfur etc. Or maybe not

Funny places to put temperature sensors

2009-01-04T17:49:00.007Z

All photos shamelessly nicked from Watts up with that

Apparently in the "monitoring the climate" game, you have to be a little bit careful where you position the sensors, bearing in mind that too close to man-made objects, sources of heat retention, excess heat / cold etc can screw up the readings and give false data trends. so it's a little surprising where the sensors end up - as these photos illustrate

On top of a fire station next to a load of air-con units

Smack bang between a couple of sewage units

Just outside a funeral home

Fucking geniuses these climate experts - in any normal scientific study this sort of basic category of mistakes in gathering data would invalidate the results of the whole thing - but apparently not when it's in the service of pedalling the dogma of Gore & Co.

Break out the wellies

2009-01-04T17:25:00.004Z

Apparently those nostradamus types at the met office have predicted another scorching year.

Yep, just like last years wash-out - where the fuckers predicted a year of record temperatures (top 10) - which was well wide of the mark (thinks got colder apparently), and their autumn 08 prediction that this winter would be mild and dry (as the brass monkeys continue to loose all sensation in their brass monkeys).

Scumbags prediction for the summer is that it will be as shit as ever: - festivals, the tennis and the cricket will be a wash-out as per fucking normal, some part of the west country will end up under 3 feet of water, and shares in sandbags will rise.

I give it 2 weeks till some bastard talks about a hose-pipe ban

Soap dodgers all in a lather

2009-01-03T21:02:00.003Z

So the stop the war protest got nasty eh? Now there's a suprise.

Scumbag's standard recipe for a police vs leftie stand-off: -

Take a few thousand ultra-lefties, guardian readers, anarchists and the 4 remaining socialist worker readers
Mix with a dollop of that odious shite Galloway, some respect members and a couple of mullahs
Egg the numbers up to thick end of 100,000 (like the million that supposedly marched protesting about Iraq)
Burn a couple of flags
Have a break-away group go off-planned route and pitch up near the Israeli embassy
Break through barriers
Pelt police with assorted stones, sticks and such
Hang around and refuse to disperse / continue marching (marching, being the main activity in a march, otherwise it would be called a "hanging around"
Bleat like hell when police move in.

Getting on the wrong end of a baton charge is what happens when you stand at the front when those behind you are chucking shit at plod - not pissing off straight away is a sure-fire way to end up getting a good filling in.

One protester Stephen Hodgkins, 38, also said police had charged several times. "People were crying, they were very, very upset. It was just shocking," he said. "Unfortunately, what it has now done is provoke an otherwise peaceful demonstration."

Nope boyo, the provoking was done by the people throwing shit about.

Water cannon the bastards - they'll be less inclined to hang about when they're soaked to the skin

Happy Easter

2009-01-03T18:48:00.002Z

Popping into my local tesco extra this afternoon for beer & a paper, the bastards have already got the fucking cadburys creme eggs and mini eggs on sale.

Shitting hell, it must be Easter

BBC's usual standards apply

2009-01-02T22:23:00.003Z

Spotted over at Biased BBC

It seems that their "diary of an aid worker" feature is written by a member of Islamic Relief Worldwide - who (quel surprise) have some links to Hamas

For years Islamic Relief Worldwide has denied they were linked to terrorism . The group which is based in the UK and Burbank California raised money after 9/11 using the pretext of helping victims. With the arrest of one of their British operatives in Israel who admitted funding Hamas it is to be hoped that IRW will go the way of KinderUSA and KindHearts,which were closed down by the U.S. Treasury Department because of terrorism funding

Incredible - the BBC happily broadcasts the diaries of a group who have links to one side in the conflict, and spin them as some sort of "account of a neutral"

Utter bastards...

Not that I should be surprised.

And in other news, bears continue to shit in the woods

Those cuddly Jihadists are at it again

2009-01-02T20:30:00.002Z

from the grauniad

A jihadist group, the Followers of Ahlulsunnah Al Jamal, today organised a protest march from the Central Mosque in Regent's park to the US embassy. Their placards declared: 'Shariah for Palestine', 'United Nations Go To Hell - Islam Is The Only Solution' and 'Hands off Muslims'.

Oh dear.....

But why are jihadist groups picking Regents Park Mosque as a starting point? Oh yeah...

Women preachers in one of Britain's most influential mosques are calling on Muslims to kill homosexuals and adulterers, a television documentary will reveal tonight.
During a hardline rant at the London Central Mosque, one preacher said Muslims who switch to another religion should also be slaughtered.
They describe Britain as the 'land of evil' and say the behaviour of other races is 'vile'.
In one of the recordings, a speaker says of the Jews: 'Their time will come, like every other evil person's time will come.'

So it's a hotbed of liberalism & tolerance then which has form for not just solidarity with the Palestinians but generally hating everything non-Muslim - plus a nice line in slogans.
The interesting one that gives it away though is the "Sharia for Palestine" one - notably not "freedom for Palestine", or even "what do we want? Palestine! When do we want it? etc etc"; because it's crystal clear that Sharia and freedom are mutually exclusive.

Wonder if inspector knacker turned out to film it?

Whatever floats your boat Gordon

2009-01-02T18:29:00.002Z

From the snot gobblers new year message

What keeps me up at night, and gets me up in the morning are the hopes and aspirations of the British people

I pity his wife.

Oh I hope so

2009-01-02T17:34:00.003Z

This could set the cat loose among the pigeons and no mistake

Nearly every speed camera in Britain could be declared unlawful as a result of a concerted legal challenge to the entire programme.

It appears that back in the grey days of the early 90's before Tony and his band of merry muppets came along and "saved" us all, the home office may have made a bit of a lash-up over the 1991 road traffic act. All cameras in use at the time were given a blanket approval, but the argument goes that the consent could only apply to technology in use at the time, and not the mess of new cameras that we now have milking the motorists across the country. Thus the new cameras couldn't have consent under the terms of the 91 act, and are therefore illegal.

However since most of the judiciary are more than happy to toady to the government in the hope of an honour or 2, I really can't see this one succeeding due to the complex house of cards that it would upset. But it's nice to have hope once in a while.

Up yours Barroso!

2009-01-01T14:43:00.004Z

The governments propaganda unit (AKA the BBC) seem to have gone a little off message with the happy news that 71% of Britons still think the Euro is a waste of space.

So it appears that despite the dear leaders best efforts to screw the pound totally so they're now of equal value, and that chubby fool Jose Manuel Barroso proclaiming that we were "closer than ever before", we still don't want Brussels running our financial affairs any more than Brown & Co have signed away already.

Despite millions spent on propoganda, the people of this septic isle still totally reject the Euro, and doubtless much of the other crap that comes with the EU project - which explains why they'll do anything to give us that referendum.

That's cheered me up no end considering what a dull, cold day it it out there generally. All I need to hear is that Ed Balls has gone under a bus and I'll retire to bed a happy man today

Oh dear....

2008-12-30T22:10:00.005Z

I really shouldn't read the BBC news as it just makes me grumpy...

In their quest to ensure the hysteria about climate change remains undiminished in the face of mounting evidence that it's all bullshit; the BBC are now reporting the lunatic suggestion that climate change is responsible for all sorts of natural disaster phenomenons such as: -

Hurricanes (these being a new phenomenon obviously)
Flooding (which again, never occurred before those pesky factories started up

And the 2 interesting ones

Tsunamis, and
Earthquakes

Errr - Come again? Earthquakes?? Those things caused by the sudden movement of tectonic plates against one another? Fuck me sideways, I've heard some strange things about so called MMCC - but that takes the sodding biscuit. Ditto tsunamis, those tidal waves caused by undersea earthquakes.
Whichever moron penned this article is a fucking tool And the quoted insurance representative who said this (one Torsten Jeworrek of Munich Re)

Climate change has already started and is very probably contributing to increasingly frequent weather extremes and ensuing natural catastrophes

is a disingenuous twat.

But just to illustrate how bad things are though, the BBC gave us this picture of someone from China weeping over the remains of his home, doubtless destroyed by that pesky global warming caused earthquake.

Damn you global warming!

A Great Week for The "Beautiful Game"

2008-12-30T19:41:00.004Z

After a surprisingly quiet build up to the festive period where by some miracle there were no cases of Christmas party roasting for the first time in many a year; football obviously had some catching up to do.

Thus we have exhibit A - a first division player who:

is understood to have been the driver of a black Mercedes CLC 180 sport car which was in collision with Mr Mohamed's Ford Galaxy on the southbound carriageway at Junction 19.
A Leicestershire Police spokesman said Mr Mohamed sustained serious injuries and was taken by air ambulance to the Walsgrave Hospital in Coventry.
He said: "The injured man died at 1615 GMT on Friday, 26 December

Exhibit B is that chirpy Scouse Steven Gerrard (MBE none-the-less), who has been charged following some bloke getting glassed in a bar.

In a statement, a Merseyside Police spokesman said: "Merseyside Police has charged Steven Gerrard, 28 years, of Formby, Sefton, John Doran, 29, and Ian Smith, 19 years, both from Huyton, Liverpool, with assault occasioning actual bodily harm and affray following an incident at Bold Street in Southport in the early hours of Monday, December 29."

Legally speaking neither of these 2 have been found guilty of anything, so I will refrain from commenting further just yet. But it looks like it's back to business as usual for planet football.

Fuckers

---------------------------------------------
Update: -
A "free Steven Gerrard" site has sprung up where people can leave messages of support for him, highlights include:

Lock him up with Michael Shields
Liverpool fans are scum, half of them are Irish
Shit!! I thought this was the free Ian Huntley site! Never mind....
Don’t worry Stevie, we’ll threaten the judge for you.

Also this bunch of shitehawks have already started pushing "free Stevie" clothing, including the fetching thong

Fucking money-grabbing Scouse twats

Drunk In Charge of a Baby

2008-12-30T19:17:00.005Z

These two vile specimens, Mark and Petra Tyler of Reindeer Street, Mansfield, have just been given a slap on the wrist for taking their 4 month old sprog out on a 7 hour piss-up.

The child was described by police as hungry and had a filthy bottle filled with sour milk in his pushchair.

Poor kid is probably lucky it didn't have a bottle full of wife-beater for sustenance.

As this photo shows they are full of remorse for their actions and a 2 year community order and a 60 quid fine (doubtless payable at some laughable rate like £2 per week) seems entirely appropriate.

Look in the dictionary for a definition of "Remorse"
- You'll find this photo

I can't find any information on what sort (if any) community service they'll have to do, but I doubt they'll get a lovely orange hi-viz jacket as it'll violate their human rights or some such nonsense. But on the off-chance anyone happens to be in Mark and Petra's neck of the woods and sees a bald ugly bloke and a fat bottle blonde in a shell-suit wearing a hi-viz, be sure to chuck a can or 2 at them.

Good - more please

2008-12-30T14:33:00.004Z

Fresh from the BBC comes the heart rendering news that crims on community service wearing hi-vis vests have suffered "abuse" while cleaning graffiti and whatnot.

Ahhhhh - bless. Poor ickle crims being picked on are we??? Feeling suitably shamed and victimised are we?? Never mind - possibly consider this next time you feel it's appropriate to knock a granny to the ground and steal her handbag.

In one area a group of youths shouted "nonces, smackheads, lowlifes" at a work group, in another offenders were sworn at and in a third case cans were thrown

Class... And I thought that the observation skills of modern youth has diminished - maybe I was wrong.

In fact the only addition I'd make is to put the words "Big" and "Gay" before "Community payback". And maybe make the vests glittery for good measure. Then watch these fuckers wear it as a badge of pride like those useless asbos

Twat

2008-12-28T21:23:00.002Z

Having caused a recession, the dear leader has now decreed that we must "display the same spirit" as our predecessors did in WW2.

For fucks sake this utter tosser gets more and more insane as the days go by.

All we can hope is that just like WW2, this whole recession gets ended with its architects topping themselves in a bunker in the capital

Bitch takes troughing to new heights

2008-12-28T18:49:00.004Z

There is taking the biscuit, and there is taking the fucking biscuit: -

Spotted over on the Ranting Penguin's rather fine blog:

some ginger cunt working in Council Housing in Norwich took it upon herself to have a load of pensioners evicted from their bungalows in anticipation of a redevelopment scheduled for a long time hence, and then to "save money" on security to prevent squatters and vandals, promptly moved into one of the bungalows herself, with another senior housing department official on a peppercorn rent. And so did a load of her colleagues.

Fucking hell, Uncle Bob Mugabe himself would be proud of her - and RP is right - she's so ginger it's Mick Hucknall with a floral handbag

The Times also mentions that:

Ms Reeves... .... lectures at national housing conferences on her specialist topic of “sub-regional excellence”

Living the values of excellence are we Kristine? Christ, she's even trying to jargonise the eviction process describing it as "decanting" the residents. What a fucking shameless, corrupt bitch.

But it's ok, despite being a complete twat, it's all ok because she's being green as she evicts old grannies

Asked what would happen to the carved wooden benches on the green where residents used to rest, and the flower boxes dedicated to the Queen’s Golden Jubilee, she said: “We are going to recycle as much as we can.”

So all is forgiven.

Happily though she's been suspended, but in the meantime if you want to send her an e-mail for her bosses to read then this document here from the organisation that she used to chair (regional homelessness advisory panel) lists her e-mail as KristineReeves@norwich.gov.uk - send her a mail, I will be.

-----------------------------
Update: -
Tractor Stats uncovers latest Norwich council housing department PR photos - genius

4 down, more to come?

2008-12-24T11:07:00.002Z

The silly named Zavvi has now gone into administration as has Officers club, with that coffee shop Whittards going into administration and the demise of Woolies (Scumbag called in there at 9 this morning to get some selection boxes - now left apart from fucking pick n.mix), things are gathering pace.

Who'll be left at the end of it all?

Sod "global warming", it's being Fruity that's fucking up our morals

2008-12-23T17:21:00.006Z

So his holiness the pope (who lets not forget was a member of the Hitler youth) has decided that Iain Dale & co are as big a threat to the world as global warming.

How does he sleep at night? what with his unreasonable fears of being flooded out or the seas boiling dry or whatever moonbat & his fellow climate change nutjobs are exaggerating this week; plus now his fears that the armies of the gay are marching on Vatican city armed only with floral curtains & a copy of heat magazine to destroy the morals of all good catholics

The gay hordes corrupt another good catholic's morals

Naturally some of the gayfolk of the world are upset

Ms Luxuria (a transgender former Italian MP), who recently lost her seat in the Italian parliament, said suggesting people like her were destructive was very hurtful.

You go girl!! Scratch his eyes out!!

Never fear Benedict, you'll be fine - the ice-caps are safe and so is your ~~bottom~~ morals

Has anybody seen our nonces?

2008-12-23T16:51:00.004Z

Fucking unbelievable

Fat Jacqui's band of plods appear to have "lost track" of 317 sex offenders in the past 12 months - no-one knows where they have fucked off to - I doubt it's for therapy.

So all those databases, all those rules, all those hi-tech systems that the home office buys, and once again they fuck up....

I fucking despair.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-23T16:41:00.002Z

------------------------------

Just realised this is the censored version but it's the only one available with the actual video since youtube deletes all south park content - twats

Career limiting moves

2008-12-21T20:01:00.006Z

This little fat fucker, one Bob Quick, who bears more than a passing resemblance to Alf from Home & Away, has decided to commit what is sure to be career suicide and chuck his bricks out of the pram over a newspaper article

Fat Alf is in charge of hounding Damian Green over some home office leaks, and as a result he has become a lot more high profile. The daily mail has since run a story saying his missus runs some sort of taxi company from the marital home, which has led to fat Alf going all Black helicopters and saying the tories are out to nobble him.

Jesus wept - just what we need, another plod who's more paranoid than your average dope smoker.... Fucking genius. But at least he's come out and displayed that the rozzers at a a high level are all political bastards toadying up to their political paymasters in the hope of patronage

But he's obviously a bit of a divvy, because all this hissy-fit means is that when the tories get into power, Fat Alf will have all the career prospects of Ian Huntley. But at least he might be able to get a job driving taxis.

Dogs: - Gone to.....

2008-12-20T20:31:00.003Z

If we ever needed proof that as a nation we are completely fucked, then this little gem of a story is another star witness in the case for the prosecution.

Thousands of the worst rapists and paedophiles can now seek to be taken off the sex offenders' register to protect their human rights.

It appears that 3 high court judges in their infinite wisdom have decided that nonces, rapists and other deviants have the right to challenge plods ability to keep tabs on them, and doubtless when they do some rat-faced weasel of a lawyer on the legal aid shilling will be able to convince a judge that it's against a nonces right to be prevented from living near a school.
So who are these brave upholders of the rights of nonces?

Lord Justice Latham, Mr Justice Underhill and Mr Justice Flaux

I was going to go off on some rant about how I hoped that these mongs get a nasty dose of karma down a darken alley; but I really can't work up the necessary head of steam after the week I've had. This country is utterly fucked as long as we stay beholden to idiot concepts like "universal human rights" for those who cannot understand the concept of "responsibilities". We are more than fucked - this sort of thing is the start of the breakdown of law and order as we know it - when the general population stop believeing in the rule of law, we get the dispensing of mob justice in its place - and the mob has a habit of being a lot less tolerent of the concept of human rights

Too old for this sort of thing...

2008-12-18T22:59:00.003Z

Last week Scumbag went (willingly) to his local arena to re-live his wasted youth with a mate who also should know better

An entire evening down the front in the thick of it watching this lot

Then this lot from the margins of the pit

I am still aching a week later...

But fucking class all the same....

Gordon Saves The World - The Ringtone

2008-12-16T17:34:00.003Z

This is an odd one - apparently you can now download Gorgons "we saved the world" moment as a ringtone

Fucking hell.....

Trots will probably threaten to fuck up the post

2008-12-16T16:57:00.003Z

Following my last post about those cuddle posties and their tendancy to strike in solidarity with whoever in their office has been caught nicking giros and CD's bought from amazon this week.

Turns out lord Mandelsnake of blah-di-blah is looking to flog off the post office to the private industry - about fucking time says I.

The sooner the lazy, greedy bastards in royal mail get a taste of life where they actually have to achieve a target greater than "turn out for work and try not to steal anything" the better.

Moronic teacher thinks open source is theft

2008-12-15T21:38:00.003Z

This woman really needs her head examined - confiscating OS disks, claiming Linux "holds back kids" (?), threatening to "pursue charges as the law allows" for "illegal" activities, and claiming that "No software is free and spreading that misconception is harmful".

Jesus wept - where do you start re-educating a woman who makes laughable claims like "I am sure if you contacted Microsoft, they would be more than happy to supply you with copies of an older verison (sic) of Windows and that way, your computers would actually be of service to those receiving them..." No my little retard, they would tell you the old OS's are out of date and flog you a copy of vista.

Utter, utter, utter moron

H/T: The register

Trots threaten to fuck up the post (again)

2008-12-15T20:59:00.002Z

surprise fucking surprise - it's a busy time of the year and another group of the brothers threaten strike action. This time it's those serial wankers at the post office who have thrown a strop over plans to relocate some depots.

What gives these workshy bastards the right to walk out and try to hold the country to randsom at the slightest change to the way they work? Could it be the fact that the commercial workers union and its fellow comrades funding makes up 80% of labours income?

Last week, Coventry MP Jim Cunningham asked the government to step in to try to head off the potential strike by arranging talks between Royal Mail, MPs and unions

And is peacemaker Jim a labour MP? By a happy coincidence he is! Fancy that! So Jim wants to ensure his friends in the unions get their way, so he gets their votes, and his bosses get their funding. Everyone's a winner, except the taxpayer who prop up the royal mail, and the customer who's hostage to the trots.

bottlefield albion?

2008-12-15T20:13:00.002Z

The lady Dale has a story that McSnotty's team of electoral retards have been buying up advertising space for February 2009. Aside from the problems of getting labours core voters up from in front of their plasma screens and out to vote in the depths of winter, let us cast our minds back less than 4 weeks when the dear leader himself dismissed talk of an 09 election. Fuck me sideways he either thinks we're all as thick as his core vote or he's the biggest shameless twat since Karen chuffing Mathews.

If "Call Me Dave" is on the ball he'll go straight on the offensive and pull the same tricks he used to get Brown to bottle an autum 07 election and talk up an electio like there's no tomorow - a tenner says it'll spook the serial bottler.

Plod didn't lawfully kill a Brazillian Sparky

2008-12-12T18:00:00.003Z

So, err - isn't that murder? The coroner did his best to toe the line and doubtless big-up his chances of getting a gong at the end of it, but those pesky jurors had other ideas - effectively saying that they thought the police evidence was shady - now where have we heard that before?

From the BBC:

Did officers shout 'armed police'? NO
Did Mr de Menezes move towards officers? NO
Did difficulty in identifying the man under surveillance lead to his death? NO
Did the behaviour of Mr de Menezes increasing suspicion among officers lead to his death? NO

Yet no rozzer seems to be prepared to be accountable - the appropriately named Cresidda Dick has been promoted(!) and that muppet Ian Blair was given the boot by Boris Johnson.
Those involved on the periphery also seem reluctant to call for heads to roll

Acting Met Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson said Mr de Menezes' death had been a "most terrible mistake", which he "deeply regretted".

So will you ask for resignations then Paul?

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said the death was "a profoundly shocking tragedy".

So will you be asking for resignations then Jacqui? - apparently not:

"What we have learnt from the accounts of the tragic events that day reminds us all of the extremely demanding circumstances under which the police work to protect us from further terrorist attack," she added.

So it's ok to kill someone, with no consequences, as long as the dog-whistle of "terrorist attacks" is used eh? I thought you said "if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear" Jacqui?

Yet some are even more shameless

Chief Constable Ken Jones, president of the Association of Chief Police Officers, said the officers were "breaking new ground in their determination to confront men believed to be intent on mass murder".

Or in this case shooting innocent sparkies - Tactless fucker.

--------------------------------------------
Update:
I note that that odious little trot Ken Livingstone has "praised" the useless Dick woman

"Cressida Dick is one of the most talented officers I have ever worked with," he said, adding that she had an "incredible record".

Can't the newt-lover just piss off back to whatever rock he crawled out from under, stay there and keep his idiotic ideas to himself. What a twat

Congrats to the Mancs

2008-12-12T17:22:00.002Z

Well done to all those in the south for sticking 2 fingers up to the bastards who want to force drivers to pay twice to use the roads - road tax then congestion charge.

Hopefully this puts the final nail in the coffin of congestion charging outside of our shitty capital - but I wouldn't put it past that twat Geoff Hoon to try somewhere else.

Aside from the fact that motorists just won't buy it, it proves once and for all that people won't accept the "pay now, get better transport later" bribe since we all know that public transport is, and will remain, crap.

But the losers seem to be a bit bitter

Lord Peter Smith, leader of the Association of Greater Manchester Authorities (AGMA), stood up and acknowledged the "very clear" will of the people and gave his reaction.
"It's a vote no to improvements on Metrolink, on railways and on buses," he began, before being drowned out by howls of derision from a handful of the victors.

What a twat.

Immediately after the result was announced, officials in the 'Yes' campaign told BBC News they were "disappointed with the voting turnout".

Ahhh bless - so lets understand your logic, there was over a 50% turnout, over half the people entitled to vote came out and kicked your batty scheme into touch. You lost by a ratio of almost 4:1 for crying out loud - that is not just a defeat - that's a fucking annihilation and no mistake - bubbling over turnout still won't help. Diddums

Mary Mary, quite moronic

2008-12-10T21:26:00.001Z

I normally steer clear of anything on the BBC's "have your say" as it tends to make the piss boil somewhat; but for some reason I strayed onto it this morning and spotted this little gem in relation to James Purnells plan to make the workshy find jobs.

i ask this question:

where does the money for benefits come from? from taxes paid by working people?

nope. the answer is from a security bond which was created when your parent signed your birth certificate, and is directly attached to your national insurance number. so when you apply for benefits, the money is created just for you

if you don't know what i'm on about you need to go do some reading

Mary, London, UK

Aside from it being worth of inclusion of spEak You're bRanes, you've got to admire Mary's ignorance of the laws of conservation of mass / matter, as well as her determination to cling to the "benefits are my right as a hooman beein', innit"

Mary, you really need to understand that there is not some mythical benefit fairy, who at the moment of your entry on the registry of births, waves a magic wand and causes a big fat pile of cash to appear in the post office vaults with "Mary's loot" written on it. This may surprise you but your benefits actually come from people like me! I pay a huge wedge of my wages every month, so the least you could do is actually acknowledge where it really comes from. There is no benefits equivalent of santa claus, no violation of the laws of physics to bring you your giro - just me an millions like me who stump up for fools like you.

So Mary, here's a thought - you need to do some reading darling - try the jobs section of the paper, look for a job with the council, they're bound to have a job for an idiot like you

Flash!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

2008-12-10T17:44:00.003Z

As seen everywhere else - Brown lets slip what the voices in his head are telling him

Muslim sadsville

2008-12-09T20:28:00.005Z

Sick of everyday life putting up with the unbeliever? Got a computer? Then why not get yourself over to Muxlim Pal - it's world of warcraft meets world of sharia with a wacky name. Create your character (elf, orc, wizard, hero etc?), give them a name and jump straight into Muxlim Pal world

You can worship the wall

Shop

or even go to a muslim gig

I am utterly bemused as to why this will have any appeal to anyone - to many it'll be the emblem of the decadent west, to most muslim kids who are into this caper it'll be utterly bobbins as there's no power up options for your level 16 warlocks (or something), and most non-muslims will wonder what the point is... Just like me....

There's a moose, loose, aboot the hoose

2008-12-09T17:51:00.006Z

Noticed this last week and a posting by Obnoxio about boot faced women reminded me about this little earth shaking item:-

Apparently a beauty contest happened at the LSE. Nowt wrong with a beauty contest thinks I, we're all supposed to be living in a modern world where women can still be empowered and show a little leg at the same time (or something...) And anything to keep those student wastrels out of the bars for a while has got to be a good thing?
But the grenham common milly-tant brigade are wheeling out all the old arguments about it debasing women, sexist bastards, blah-blah-blah.

But here's a thing, while those taking part in the contest appear to scrub up well (a quick check of the daily mails site turns up a photos which I couldn't possibly link to.... Oh fuck it) , there was also a photo of the protesters in the torygraph that day, and aside from the odd fat lad hanging around hoping he might pull a minger as he's failed with everyone else, it looks like it's mostly comprised of women who've been chasing parked cars. And look, they've even got a bedsheet banner based on their socialist worker cut-out n'keep "slogans for commies" supplement. Bless.

A herd of angry moose

"Elly James, women's officer at the School of Oriental and African Studies, said: "It's like a cattle market. One of the things was that the contestants had to have their waists and breasts measured. I come from quite a rural area and that's what they do to animals."

Now I appreciate that they do things differently for example in Wales, but I spent some time out in the countryside as a kid and stayed on a farm during the summer, and never once did I see any farmer, farm hand or farm wench measuring up a sheeps waist or a pigs tittys. Maybe I was hanging round in the wrong places - but I'm sure I would have heard about it by now, the internet's not that big.

Why do they get so worked up for gods sake - I accept that somewhere out there are a few men who will be better looking, more virile and with better bodies than I; but I don't feel the need to paint slogans on my bedsheets and parade around (plus a banner with "gorgeous men fuck off" on it makes me out to be a bit gay really....)

Get a grip.

Shoesmith gets the boot

2008-12-08T22:50:00.003Z

No pun intended.

Happily this sour-faced sack o'shite has now been dismissed without compo, back pay or pay in lieu of notice.

Good

Happily since she has been sacked, she won't even get her jobseekers allowance if she signs on.
"So what sort of job are you looking for ms Shoesmith?"

The whitewash continues, democracy eroded

2008-12-08T22:03:00.004Z

Scumbag notes that both Her Majesties loyal opposition and the lib dems are both now boycotting the committee to absolve Gorbels Mick of any blame for being woefully crap in a public office; and why am I not surprised?

No matter if you feel that politicians need special treatment to be able to hold the executive to account, or if (like many do) that the 646 are a bunch of self-serving bastards; they really need to have the privacy of their constituents affairs kept confidential as they address them. I have seen at least once comment on a blog from someone who complained to their MP (one Damian Green no less) about issues with their local plod, issues which are no doubt in the hands of metropolitan plod by now. By letting the rozzers go charging in, sieze everything that's in sight and bag n'tag the lot as "evidence", and then by trying to foist blame onto his incompetent deputy, Mick has proved that he's not fit to organise the proverbial piss-up in a brewery, and hasn't the guts to stand up and accept the buck stops with him - a total coward and a complete tool.

The labour party is a tribal beast, and when they see an attack against one of their own, they close ranks to protect the accused. Just like Hutton, cash for peerages etc, this will now go down as another whitewash. Lets not forget that Mick did MP's a favour when he drummed out the parliamentary standards commissioner who was just a little to keen to look into Labour MP's shady affairs - one good turn deserves another, so the party will watch Mr Speakers back in return.
But while we're on the subject of the hon member for Glasgow North East, lets re-cap on a few of his recent highlights in the job: -

Has claimed £12,500 per year for the past 6 years (yep - that's 75 grand if I can count right) as an "additional costs allowance for his mortgage-free house in Glasgow (despite living in some very plush digs above the commons)
Uses air-miles accrued from official business jaunts on taking his family on holidays, bless
lets his wife (an unelected and unaccountable person) blow 4 grand on taxis around London while shopping in 1 year, but legitamising it by conveniently picking up some nibbles and pop for the state functions she was doing the cooking for.

Mick will sit tight, ride it out and probably have the brass balls to reapply for the job as has been mooted in the press.

Welcome to Morpeth, it's shite

2008-12-07T19:35:00.007Z

For those of you who aren't familiar with the north east of our septic isle, allow me to introduce you to Morpeth, north of Newcastle, just off the A1 at around the point where it degrades from dual carriageway to rutted track.

Morpeth has the distinction of being a place where noting ever happens what so ever - which gives rise to the phrase "duller than morpeth on a wet Sunday afternoon"; however it's notable points include the little gem that 57% of those who live there are employed by the state; its parent authority has pissed lots of taxes up the wall in Icelandic savings accounts, and it can't even get paying out council tax benefit right. Morpeth council therefore has enough time on its hands and enough bodies to now start policing the sale of parsnips by yokels.

Officials from Northumberland County Council told him the parsnips, spinach and leeks grown in his walled garden should be sold by metric weight, following EU rules, and sent him four pages of guidance.

So Morpeth council has solved all it's problems (highlights of the last audit commission reports include: - Strategic Housing Services - Poor; Housing maintenance - Poor; information technology, receptoin & telephone services - Poor) and can now turn its attention to ensuring vegetable honesty boxes comply with the latest rules as handed down by the morons in Brussels. The fuckers are so backward they can't even build a basic web page for complaints and I'm not spending the price of a stamp to tell them they're a bunch of tossers.

Country. Dogs. Gone. To

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Update:
I am informed that the metric morons were in fact from Northumberland Council. This is true, and I can't read the quotes I use properly, but then I am a northerner.

Morpeth however remains shite

The white flag

2008-12-07T17:53:00.004Z

It appears that Labour MP and regular target of the libertarian massive has raised the white flag, indirectly admitted she doesn't want certain people on her blog, and will be censoring debate

Well done Kerry, you've demonstrated that like most in zanulabor, you are only in favour of dialogue if it's a) one way (can we guess in which direction children?) or b) massaging their ego's. You have lost the argument well and truly; comment moderation is not there to be used to stop certain people posting full stop, it's there to moderate comments if the tone may be considered offensive, racist or just a bit off key (unlike the BBC have your say which is as we all know is ideologically opposed to anything that deviates from the labour party line). Comment moderation is not there as a tool to clamp down on debate and exclude. If you openly admit that you don't want certain people on your blog then why even blog? Just run a website full of pronouncements and statements, with a couple of quotes from tame zombies to support you.

Forget sending her another copy of 1984, I plan to send her this

To replace the one she lost

Gorgon manages to still look limp while the dark continent gets even darker

2008-12-06T18:42:00.011Z

Fuck me sideways, the dear leader has come out and reiterated his position - Uncle Bob Mugabe is a very bad man. Meanwhile those tree-huggers in the lib dems have decided that it's time to make war not love.

Christ on a fucking cross, how limp wristed do you end up being made out to be a peacenick by the lib fucking dems? Gorgon Brown (who lets not forget showed his enthusiasm for explosions signed off the spending for such peace camps as bombing Yugoslavia, Invading Afghanistan, and then the slow death that's been Iraq), can only manage a repeat condemnation of uncle Bob, while Nick Clegg plumps for cock-waving and sabre rattling.
Admittedly since there's little chance of Clegg ever getting near the reins of power, they can pretty much threaten to deploy what they want against whoever they want; but once again the dear leader manages to stride the world stage with all the authority of a youth worker in a skatepark.

No matter what Gorgon says, it will matter not a jot. We pump billions into Africa, for it to be hoovered up by the corrupt, self serving ruling classes, to spend on cars, gold plated AK-47's and mutual back-slapping conferences. Africa will not change, ever. It sits on massive mineral wealth, which it pisses up the wall or deposits into Swiss bank accounts as a backup plan for the inevitable day when the head of your armed forces (or the deputy head of the armed forces of you happen to be a military man yourself) decides it's time for a bit of regime change and you have to make a swift exit for the airport. Uncle Bob is still a hero in the African leaders club, and no amount of murder, violence, chaos, famine and disease will make Bobs peers review their support for him.

But I digress, back to the gorgon. While it appears that even men of god like the arch-bish of York are calling for revolution, Brown continues to dither and can't even bring himself to call for uncle Bob to go

"Mr Brown did not explicitly call for Mr Mugabe to step down"

Eactly how did this man even manage to coordinate such an effective campaign to oust Blair? He can't even bring himself to condemn the biggest bastard Africa currently has in the shop window. He should offer him his full support and maybe have a photo op with him - he'd be overrun by screaming tribesmen with machetes and arsenal tops inside of a fortnight.

I don't know which is worse...

2008-12-05T22:01:00.006Z

The fuckers who raped her or the spineless bastards who ignored a 14 year old kid being snatched by a gang of 9 vile sub-humans.

She was told she should be raped for insulting their leader's girlfriend, and they laughed as they took turns

At some point in the years since I disembarked from the education system, they've obviously stopped teaching any sort of moral based education, since a group of 13-16 year olds think it's acceptable to rape a minor for "dissin' mi bitch, innit". These bastards deserve no mercy whatsoever when they get dropped off for a stretch in one of our fine ~~holiday camps~~ prisons.However, as we all know, since the legal system is run by the usual bleeding hearts apologists, they'll get 2 years at a young offenders institute, a new identity, benefits for life and 5 years counceling for the trauma of being held to account for something.

Having said all that, there's got to be a little bit of utter, complete, revulsion reserved for the spineless bastards who turned the other cheek as a young girl gets dragged off by a gang and raped.
As far as I'm concerned that's my fill of this country and plods lack of ability to keep it safe while the public closes its eyes to the evils perpetrated by the gaggles of feral youth every day of the week. I'm looking for a shotgun.

Gorbals Mick's Days Are Numbered

2008-12-05T19:56:00.002Z

As has often been commented on elsewhere, Gorgon Broon has exerted a reverse Midas touch wherever he goes - note the floods and outbreaks of disease shortly after he bullied his way into office, his piss poor record of being on the winning side when attending sporting events, and his ability to bring a dead albatross to any party (Scumbag almost put a tenner on McCain to win in the former colonies when he heard Broon has backed Obama).

So the news that Snotty has given Speaker Mick his full confidence since he threw one of his staff overboard to save his own chubby neck means that his days must surely be numbered.

I've got a great deal of confidence in the Speaker. He's got a very difficult job and he tries to do it, and does it, to the best of his ability.

Fuck me sideways - Mick may as well pack his bags now and get the hell over to mingle with the Vermine In Ermin now where he can get in some quality eating and sleeping time.
Having said that the useless bastard will probably cling on till the death....

A nice pristine blog to fuck up

2008-12-05T18:49:00.001Z

Well, since every other self opinionated bastard out there has now decided that they're riding the wave of user generated content and "nu-meeja" and therefore have a right to entertain tens of webmongs with their embittered diatribes, I figured I'd get in on the act and share the bitterness.

So what will be revealed here?

Probably sweet FA - but along there way there'll doubtless be some ranting, cynicism, sniping and a fanatical hatred of those currently bringing our sceptic isle to its knees.

But no matter how piss poor this blog will be, at least I'm not as sad as that fucking retarded geordie dancer