Hero of the day - Parky

Seeing as he's old, retired and a bit of a national treasure, parky has used his position to say what many of us have been thinking

.....she came to represent "all that's paltry and wretched about Britain"

Her death is as sad as the death of any young person but it's not the passing of a martyr or a saint

She was brought up on a sink estate, as a child came to know both drugs and crime, was barely educated, ignorant and puerile

Thank fuck someone has broken the ranks of faux mourning and all the bullshit that has accompanied the slow lingering death of a stupid Essex racist. Pity he didn't give a good slagging off to the numpties who were throwing flowers at her funeral waggon at the weekend (hhad the misfortune to catch the "news" on saturday) - but you can't have it all ways...

For some reason I checked out the "speak your branes and was particularly impressed with the comment from "Debbie" who described her as "saint" - fucking deluded retard

And she can't spell "Angel"

Most cringeworthy newspaper front page of the day...

I saw this and had to fight down the desire to burn the newspaper stand to the ground

Pob continues her quest to die with no grace what so ever

Exclusive: First Jade Goody Wedding Photos Revealed

Exclusive - The Scumbag Times bring you the hottest celebrity gossip and pictures

Jade looked stuning as she lounged in a pile of cashew nut shells

Kiss of death

As if having your husband facing up to playing some maffiosi's pink oboe for the next four and a half years wasn't bad enough, the kiss of death appears to be now upon the haggard face of Tessa Jowell with the news that the Gorgon himself has declared his full confidence in poor Tessa

Tessa Jowell is the minister for the Olympics in our government and she's doing a very good job and I have confidence in her ability to continue doing that job

She is well and truly fucked. But at least she got her fella to pay off her mortgage before he got caught

Saving The Health & Safety Executive Some Money

I'm a civic minded individual, and seeing as we're in a time of unprecedented global uncertainty and McBroon hasn't got round to saving the world just yet; I probably ought to put some of my time aside Pro Bono and do my civic duty.

So here's my report on an incident of some dozy 14 year old taff bint in Barry Island buring herself on a coin-op tan machine : -

Report of Injuries Sustained by Kirsty McRae of Barry Island, on the 16th Feb 2009, in the Yakky-Dah stand n'tan salon, Barry Island

Self inflicted due to stupidity


End

Ouch

Funniest thing is that apparently her Mum is a health & safety officer.... Oh the fucking glorious irony

There's a moose, loose, aboot the hoose

Noticed this last week and a posting by Obnoxio about boot faced women reminded me about this little earth shaking item:-

Apparently a beauty contest happened at the LSE. Nowt wrong with a beauty contest thinks I, we're all supposed to be living in a modern world where women can still be empowered and show a little leg at the same time (or something...) And anything to keep those student wastrels out of the bars for a while has got to be a good thing?
But the grenham common milly-tant brigade are wheeling out all the old arguments about it debasing women, sexist bastards, blah-blah-blah.

But here's a thing, while those taking part in the contest appear to scrub up well (a quick check of the daily mails site turns up a photos which I couldn't possibly link to.... Oh fuck it) , there was also a photo of the protesters in the torygraph that day, and aside from the odd fat lad hanging around hoping he might pull a minger as he's failed with everyone else, it looks like it's mostly comprised of women who've been chasing parked cars. And look, they've even got a bedsheet banner based on their socialist worker cut-out n'keep "slogans for commies" supplement. Bless.

A herd of angry moose

"Elly James, women's officer at the School of Oriental and African Studies, said: "It's like a cattle market. One of the things was that the contestants had to have their waists and breasts measured. I come from quite a rural area and that's what they do to animals."

Now I appreciate that they do things differently for example in Wales, but I spent some time out in the countryside as a kid and stayed on a farm during the summer, and never once did I see any farmer, farm hand or farm wench measuring up a sheeps waist or a pigs tittys. Maybe I was hanging round in the wrong places - but I'm sure I would have heard about it by now, the internet's not that big.

Why do they get so worked up for gods sake - I accept that somewhere out there are a few men who will be better looking, more virile and with better bodies than I; but I don't feel the need to paint slogans on my bedsheets and parade around (plus a banner with "gorgeous men fuck off" on it makes me out to be a bit gay really....)

Get a grip.