Fuck me, the Iranians are using wookies now

Sir Humphrey rips off shite BBC concept

This made me laugh:

Apparently in a July it's the event of the season for mini-Sir Humphs, as hundreds of bowler hatted types gather at the London olympia to rub grades and compare blackberrys.

In what looks like a sop to the lower ranks, the organisers have teamed up with Ernst & Young (who doubtless have charged a considerable fee) and produced the laughably named "Lions' Lair"

Sound familiar?

So what's it all about then?

If you have an innovative idea you believe could help transform the Civil Service, however large or small, then Lions’ Lair is a unique opportunity to have it heard by senior government and industry experts.

• Do you have an idea that embraces one of Sir Gus O’Donnell’s four Civil Service priorities, could it promote sustainability, skills, diversity or wellbeing amongst your colleagues?
• Does your idea demonstrate pride, pace, professionalism and passion?

This bit is a corker

Similar to a popular TV show

Really?? Fuck me Holmes! I thought I'd heard of it somewhere....

And who do we have as the "Lions" in the Lair?

• Peter Jones, CBE - Entrepreneur, National Enterprise Academy founder and TV Dragon (doubtless on a hefty fee and available for shamless format rip-offs)
  
• Helen Ghosh - Permanent Secretary, Defra (Sir Humphry)
  
• David Bell - Permanent Secretary, DCSF (Sir Humphry)
• Robin Tye - Head of Government Services, Ernst & Young (the sponsor, doubtless keen to rub shoulders with the Sir Humphs in the pursuit of future contracts)
  
• Dame Gill Morgan - Permanent Secretary, Welsh Assembly Government (Sir Humphry)
• Lin Homer - Chief Executive, UK Border Agency (Sir Humphry)

All together now Lions': -

"Grrrrrrrr"

Funny thing is that they've put the entry form on the internet so any old Tom, Dick or Blogger can now submit their ideas for how the civil service can promote sustainability, skills, diversity or wellbeing; or demonstrate pride, pace, professionalism and passion.

Anyone?

Don't trust the little bastards

One rule for knacker...

Some years ago, a mate of mine was living in rented accommodation with some other mates. They had a problem with some aspect of the house so called in the landlord, who being a typical example of the breed was a cheapskate fuck didn't want to fix the problem. A heated argument broke out, words were exchanged; and the landlord left.

15 minutes later he dropped dead of a heart attack.

The landlords son, who was as big a fucker, phones the police and claimed that my mate pushed his father over, and suggested that this caused the heart attack.
Inspector knacker promptly went round to the flat, arrested him for murder and carted him off for questioning. 6 hours later after his flatmates gave statements demonstrating that he went nowhere near the landlord, he was released and sent on his way. Once in a while we remember about this, most recently at his wedding when his blushing bride did not look at all happy when the first she ever heard of it was during the best mans speech... But anyway.

Contrast this with the efforts of inspector knacker in London. In London a man walking away from a group of tooled up, masked thugs with attack dogs (and lets not forget that apparently the knacker is question was a member of a TSG team, TSG generally having a reputation for being prone to "baton first, arrest second, rough up in the van third" behavior), was attacked from behind with a baton, then pushed to the floor and left lying on the ground for passers by to help.
So what do knacker do?
They acknowledge that Mr Tomlinson came "into contact with police"before he died, and taken the TSG thug in for a nice chat and a "compare notebooks" session with the rozzers watchdog.

This quote is a fucking corker from the met spokesman

"A total of four officers, inclusive of this officer, have now come forward with potentially relevant information in relation to the investigation into the death of Mr Tomlinson."

What the spokesman should have added was

After they had a nice long week or so to compare notebooks and make sure their stories all matched.

So if you're an average bloke and it's alleged you pushed someone over who then died, you get arrested for murder. If you're a rozzer and you do the same you get an easy ride and anonymity.The fucker hasn't even been suspended pending an investigation.

Hoon de jour - Ed Milliband

*with apologies for jumping on the Hoon bandwaggon*

Say hello to Scumbags nomination for todays biggest Hoon - Ed Milliband, brother of that condescending twat David.



Ed likes wind turbines.

Ed likes wind turbines a lot.

Ed has therefore decided that not liking wind turbines should now be "socially unacceptable", or to give this useless little turd ample rope to hang himself with:

"The Government needs to be saying 'It is socially unacceptable to be against wind turbines in your area - like not wearing your seat belt or driving past a zebra crossing.'

What the fuck?? The greenies really are getting desperate these days to convince an increasingly skeptical public about the evils of MMCC if they're reduced to this sort of bullshit. And this boy gets a ministerial salary, a whole department, and doubtless a whole army of toaies to tell him what a wonderful man he really is and how he's "making a difference". What a total Hoon.

Just fuck off Ed and take your piss-poor attempts at ramming your opinion down our throats with you

Since I can't think of suitable flippancy...

I'll let this do the job instead



From Mostly safe for work

Most cringeworthy newspaper front page of the day...

I saw this and had to fight down the desire to burn the newspaper stand to the ground

Pob continues her quest to die with no grace what so ever

Back in saddle

Not that anybody gives a rats fuck but real life has kind of got in the way of talking shite on here. If I cared enough I'd apologise. But I don't.

Back to business - what has caught my eye this week?? This little corker for a starters:

"The government could have to bail out Private Finance Initiative projects to the tune of £4bn in the next 18 months, an industry spokesman has warned."

What the fuck?? What the fucking fuck was that???

The government could have to bail out Private Finance Initiative projects to the tune of £4bn

Hang on a fucking minute - PFI works in 2 ways
1) the government transfer its assets like buildings over to PFI companies, pay the companies a ridiculous amount of wonga to run them, so the company has asset plus income. Or
2) The government pays a PFI company a ridiculous figure per year to supply them with a school, prison or hospital, getting thoroughly shafted into the the bargain and saddling the taxpayer with a 25 year-ish bill

So the PFI company is quids in - and lets not forget that at the height of the PFI bubble big companies were fighting like rats in a sack to get their lips round the governments teet - but yet when itall looks to go tits up they have the brass fucking balls to come back to the trough wanting bail-outs and more cash making .

The whole point of PFI is that the private sector take the risk in return for a huge wad of cash. Not take the cash in return for a taxpayer bailout if things get rocky.
Fuckers. Words fail me; especially when I end up agreeing with the fucking Lib Dems and their school of wolly thinking

"We need to be very careful about the taxpayer taking all the risks and the private partners taking all the benefits," (Vince Cable)

In other news, Lord Mandelson of Bum swears at a coffee retailer after they have the temerity criticise the state of our tattered economy. Bless

How???

Since it's Friday night and much single malt has been imbibed - I'll ask what everyone is thinking

How come this kermit.....


Manages to sweet-talk this lady.... Bearing in mind they are both french and therefore the "kermit bullshit" factor cancels out...


Well???

Sarah Richardson is.....

Dead.....

Apparently.....

And there I was thinking only the fucking Chinese did this sort of crazy shit over a chuffing computer app... But apparently not.

Sarah Richardson invoked the wrath of her hubby by changing her facebot status to "single". In response he stabbed and killed her - jesus wept. This country gets more surreal every day.

Edward Richardson is: Now doing time

Good money after bad

Jesus wept.



Having spunked 37 billion up the wall bailing out feckless bankers and having seen it totally fail; what does the dear leader do??

You guessed it - He announces he'll spunk another 10+ billion (probably, and at least) of our money up the wall bailing out yet more feckless bankers and failed financial institutions from their own incompetence and greed.

What an absolute sackless shite we have as a leader

Ceasefire? What ceasefire

So after a lot of to'ing and fro'ing, and both sides hollering "war crime!" at each other. Israel was finally pushed into declaring a ceasefire.

So what happens??

A volley of rockets has been fired into southern Israel from Gaza, hours after a unilateral Israeli ceasefire began.

Oh for fucks sake. So what happens?

Israel launched an air strike on Gaza in response.

No surprise there really. What did Hamas think would happen? After someone's just given you a good kicking, you don't call their mother a slut.

Of course it would be outrageous to suggest that Hamas actually wants a fight wouldn't it?

Proof the trots really don't have any grip

H/T to Harrys Place

Before the messiah even takes office, the commies have decried him as a terrorist.

Fucking nutters


Next time I am in Newcastle on a Saturday (presumably the only day of the week the socialist worker brigade are allowed out because they have done their homework on time) I plan to give these fuckers some shit for being off the fucking radar.

Also this sets a new record in the "how rapidly the mighty are fallen" stakes

More god botherers chuck bricks out of pram

Hot(ish) on the heels of the BA woman and her crucifix, and the bloke who wouldn't give relationship advice to gays comes yet another god botherer who refuses to drive his bus because Richard Dawkins & co have put a "there's probably no god" advert on it.

So say hello to Ron Heather.

Ron Heather, from Southampton, Hampshire, responded with "shock" and "horror" at the message and walked out of his shift on Saturday in protest.

Has he been sacked or even reprimanded for causing inconvenience to customers of First Bus, who - doubtless because they have to get the bus in the first place - are the usual mix of the elderly, the infirm and the skint? Of course he hasn't -

"I felt that I could not drive that bus, I told my managers and they said they haven't got another one and I thought I better go home, so I did.

So Ron goes off in a huff, and his employers do this:

First Bus said it would do everything in its power to ensure Mr Heather does not have to drive the buses. When he returned to work on Monday he was called into a meeting with managers and agreed to go back to work with the promise he would only have to drive the buses if there were no others available

What the fuckidy-fuck??? I'm not nostradamus, but I'm guessing the fuckers in his union has some pressure to bear on this one (as they always do, bastards).

But understand this Ron - you are employed to drive people from place to place and collect fares - the colour, or advertising on your bus will in no way affect your ability to do this - be it red, blue of fucking glittery pink, you drive the bus and that is the end of it. Your contract does not give you the right to decide the livery and advertising of your bus. You are a hyper-senitive fucker and deserve the sack for refusing to do your job; not fucking tea & sympathy for your excessive sensitivity. At what point did you think you have the right to renegotiate your terms & conditions based on the adverts on your bus? You don't like it then quit and get a job bringing the light of christ into peoples lives. Or maybe not.

Sack the bastard and see how his faith will provide him with a living wage in the middle of a recession. Stupid twat.

Destination: Hell. Method of Transport: Handcart

Proof positive that the idiots running this country are even more bonkers than we thought comes via an extended rant by Bristol Dave - excellent but scary stuff - it appears that Bristol council truly have lost the plot

Bricks, Prams etc

Can normal service resume now?

Happy Easter

Popping into my local tesco extra this afternoon for beer & a paper, the bastards have already got the fucking cadburys creme eggs and mini eggs on sale.

Shitting hell, it must be Easter

Whatever floats your boat Gordon

From the snot gobblers new year message

What keeps me up at night, and gets me up in the morning are the hopes and aspirations of the British people

I pity his wife.

Drunk In Charge of a Baby

These two vile specimens, Mark and Petra Tyler of Reindeer Street, Mansfield, have just been given a slap on the wrist for taking their 4 month old sprog out on a 7 hour piss-up.

The child was described by police as hungry and had a filthy bottle filled with sour milk in his pushchair.

Poor kid is probably lucky it didn't have a bottle full of wife-beater for sustenance.

As this photo shows they are full of remorse for their actions and a 2 year community order and a 60 quid fine (doubtless payable at some laughable rate like £2 per week) seems entirely appropriate.

Look in the dictionary for a definition of "Remorse"
- You'll find this photo

I can't find any information on what sort (if any) community service they'll have to do, but I doubt they'll get a lovely orange hi-viz jacket as it'll violate their human rights or some such nonsense. But on the off-chance anyone happens to be in Mark and Petra's neck of the woods and sees a bald ugly bloke and a fat bottle blonde in a shell-suit wearing a hi-viz, be sure to chuck a can or 2 at them.

Twat

Having caused a recession, the dear leader has now decreed that we must "display the same spirit" as our predecessors did in WW2.

For fucks sake this utter tosser gets more and more insane as the days go by.

All we can hope is that just like WW2, this whole recession gets ended with its architects topping themselves in a bunker in the capital