Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Exclusive: First Jade Goody Wedding Photos Revealed

Exclusive - The Scumbag Times bring you the hottest celebrity gossip and pictures

Jade looked stuning as she lounged in a pile of cashew nut shells

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Kiss of death

As if having your husband facing up to playing some maffiosi's pink oboe for the next four and a half years wasn't bad enough, the kiss of death appears to be now upon the haggard face of Tessa Jowell with the news that the Gorgon himself has declared his full confidence in poor Tessa
Tessa Jowell is the minister for the Olympics in our government and she's doing a very good job and I have confidence in her ability to continue doing that job

She is well and truly fucked. But at least she got her fella to pay off her mortgage before he got caught

Saving The Health & Safety Executive Some Money

I'm a civic minded individual, and seeing as we're in a time of unprecedented global uncertainty and McBroon hasn't got round to saving the world just yet; I probably ought to put some of my time aside Pro Bono and do my civic duty.

So here's my report on an incident of some dozy 14 year old taff bint in Barry Island buring herself on a coin-op tan machine : -

Report of Injuries Sustained by Kirsty McRae of Barry Island, on the 16th Feb 2009, in the Yakky-Dah stand n'tan salon, Barry Island

Self inflicted due to stupidity



Funniest thing is that apparently her Mum is a health & safety officer.... Oh the fucking glorious irony

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Back in saddle

Not that anybody gives a rats fuck but real life has kind of got in the way of talking shite on here. If I cared enough I'd apologise. But I don't.

Back to business - what has caught my eye this week?? This little corker for a starters:

"The government could have to bail out Private Finance Initiative projects to the tune of £4bn in the next 18 months, an industry spokesman has warned."

What the fuck?? What the fucking fuck was that???
The government could have to bail out Private Finance Initiative projects to the tune of £4bn
Hang on a fucking minute - PFI works in 2 ways
1) the government transfer its assets like buildings over to PFI companies, pay the companies a ridiculous amount of wonga to run them, so the company has asset plus income. Or
2) The government pays a PFI company a ridiculous figure per year to supply them with a school, prison or hospital, getting thoroughly shafted into the the bargain and saddling the taxpayer with a 25 year-ish bill

So the PFI company is quids in - and lets not forget that at the height of the PFI bubble big companies were fighting like rats in a sack to get their lips round the governments teet - but yet when itall looks to go tits up they have the brass fucking balls to come back to the trough wanting bail-outs and more cash making .

The whole point of PFI is that the private sector take the risk in return for a huge wad of cash. Not take the cash in return for a taxpayer bailout if things get rocky.
Fuckers. Words fail me; especially when I end up agreeing with the fucking Lib Dems and their school of wolly thinking

"We need to be very careful about the taxpayer taking all the risks and the private partners taking all the benefits," (Vince Cable)

In other news, Lord Mandelson of Bum swears at a coffee retailer after they have the temerity criticise the state of our tattered economy. Bless

Saturday, 7 February 2009


Since it's Friday night and much single malt has been imbibed - I'll ask what everyone is thinking

How come this kermit.....

Manages to sweet-talk this lady.... Bearing in mind they are both french and therefore the "kermit bullshit" factor cancels out...


Good - harder next time

Far from me to encourage violence and law breaking...

But next time someone ought to at least punch the the cunt


Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Round 1 to the strikers

So it's over for now - a fudge has duly been made and some jobs will be given to UK workers.

Mandelsnake has been made to look a cock after saying it would be a "huge mistake" to engage in protectionism, which is exactly what happened after guarantees were given that over 50% of the workforce would be British.

The unions tried to put a glos on the whole thing claiming
people had had enough of employers using "unjust laws" to "pitch one European worker against fellow European workers" in the pursuit of profit
So a bit of good old British xenophobia never came into it then?? Of Course not. Salt of the earth those lads.

But where's going to be next?

My money's on train drivers

Monday, 2 February 2009

BNP on the up...

While attempting to throw abuse at Newcastle Council over the lack of road gritting (as per fucking usual - sackless bastards) I stumbled across this little factoid on the councils website

Byelection Results for Fenham Ward - 29 January 2009

Mitzi Emery (Lib-Dem) 1049
Helen McStravick (Lab) 1025
Ken Booth (BNP) 836
Sarah Armstrong (Con) 186

So the Tories got thrashed, the useless fuckers in the lib dems hold, and the BNP come third

But compare it to May 2008 elections
May 2008 Result: Lib-Dem 1491, Lab 1188, BNP 295, Con 290.

Yep - in just over 18 months the BNP have almost trebled their vote. Problem is that Fenham is heavily populated by 1st, 2nd & 3rd generation immigrant families, and in the past 10 years the ethinic minorities are now ethnic majorities.
Since the white minority left in the area by and large can't be arsed to get off their sofas and switch off Jeremy Kyle for anything less than cashing thier giros (and even then mostly can't spell X in order to actually vote) ; I wonder who is voting for the BNP in increasing numbers

Southern England shafted by 3 inches

Look mummy!! It's snowing!!!!

Fuck me sideways - it's a total breakdown of the UK!!!!! There must be all of, errrr, about 3 inches of snow outside!!!!

How you poor darlings must be coping with it down there I'll never know.

Global warming has spoiled you lot.

Update 5.15 pm.

The BBC says the country (i.e the south) is braced for another night of snow.

Hang in there you brave boys and girls.

Sunday, 1 February 2009

Good to see Hamas keeping the ceasfire

Peace continues to reign supreme in the middle east
two rockets hit southern Israel. Later three Israelis were injured in a mortar barrage by Palestinian militants

Sweet jesus.

Yet at the same time
An adviser to Ismail Haniya, who heads the Hamas government in Gaza, told AFP news agency the militant group was waiting for Israel's response to a truce offer, transmitted by Egypt, adding that things were "moving in a positive direction
I assume "Israel's response" will now be military - and understandably really since Hamas have a funny way of keeping a ceasefire.

Also to add into the mix, even the PLO are getting fucked off at the attitude of Hamas in Gaza these days
Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas told journalists in Cairo that talks were impossible with anyone who rejected the supremacy of the Palestine Liberation Organisation, in an apparent reference to Hamas's leadership.

He also accused Hamas of putting Palestinian lives at risk.

"They... have taken risks with the blood of Palestinians, with their fate, and dreams and aspirations for an independent Palestinian state,"

But at least Hamas are fighting a clean, ethical liberation struggle
a rocket landed between two nursery schools in Eshkol region of southern Israel, media reports said
Which seems to fit with the Hamas tactics from back in early January when Mahmoud al-Zahar said:
The Israelis have sentenced their children to death... They have legitimized the killing of their people all over the world
What a nice chap he isn't

In other news those loonies at the stop the war coalition have organised a "songs for gaza" event. I can hardly fucking wait,

Green really is the new Nazism

With scorn poured on it from most angles and in far more elequent / sweary terms than I can; I probably should just leave it at calling Jonathon Porritt a vile fucker, who should fuck off back to whatever stone he crawled out from under rather than suckling from the carbon-producing taxpayers teet (the hypocritical bastard).

You are free to do as we tell you
"I think we will work our way towards a position that says that having more than two children is irresponsible" - Herr Porritt
Porritt is chair of The Optimum Population Trust (a charity, 'natch) - who seem to want to encourage the limiting of the population by whatever means possible (though I suspect being a bunch of tree-hugging lefties it won't include concepts such as placing theoretical caps on annual immigration as that's beyond the pale for most lefties - it's easier to harrang the existing population)
Porritt, a former chairman of the Green party, says the government must improve family planning, even if it means shifting money from curing illness to increasing contraception and abortion
Thus we have the invention of a new reason to abort "I'm savin' the environment innit". I wonder how they will square the circle of respecting cultural diversity (where cultures dictate large families) and saving the planet - but doubtless the catholics will be fair game.
He also seems to advocate letting people die to save the planet. Cunt