Thursday, 30 April 2009

Friday, 24 April 2009

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to....



Sign up here - you only have till October

And congratulations to Kalvis Jansons for starting this

H/T: the register

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

"I thought I told him to be a Pilot!!!"

Oh dear, poor Mrs Wale Abdul Kadhir Muse thinks her son is just an innocent little boy who (probably) "never hurt no-one and never done nuffing".
Her son, poor Abde Wale Abdul Kadhir Muse (who is apparently only a child, yet apparently m,an enough to hang around wth a bung of pirates on a boat and wave round an AK47 demanding a ransom), was the only one to survive the yanks anti-piracy efforts earlier this month, and is now in New York on piracy charges (the yanks obviously having a more rubust view of dealing with them than the Dutch

Mrs Muse is now appealing to the whitehouse for her son's freedom (and a free ticket to America to be with him, where she will doubtless dissapear within a month.

I hope they hang the bastard from the nearest yardarm

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Sir Humphrey rips off shite BBC concept

This made me laugh:

Apparently in a July it's the event of the season for mini-Sir Humphs, as hundreds of bowler hatted types gather at the London olympia to rub grades and compare blackberrys.

In what looks like a sop to the lower ranks, the organisers have teamed up with Ernst & Young (who doubtless have charged a considerable fee) and produced the laughably named "Lions' Lair"

Sound familiar?

So what's it all about then?

If you have an innovative idea you believe could help transform the Civil Service, however large or small, then Lions’ Lair is a unique opportunity to have it heard by senior government and industry experts.

  • Do you have an idea that embraces one of Sir Gus O’Donnell’s four Civil Service priorities, could it promote sustainability, skills, diversity or wellbeing amongst your colleagues?
  • Does your idea demonstrate pride, pace, professionalism and passion?

This bit is a corker
Similar to a popular TV show
Really?? Fuck me Holmes! I thought I'd heard of it somewhere....

And who do we have as the "Lions" in the Lair?
  • Peter Jones, CBE - Entrepreneur, National Enterprise Academy founder and TV Dragon (doubtless on a hefty fee and available for shamless format rip-offs)
  • Helen Ghosh - Permanent Secretary, Defra (Sir Humphry)
  • David Bell - Permanent Secretary, DCSF (Sir Humphry)
  • Robin Tye - Head of Government Services, Ernst & Young (the sponsor, doubtless keen to rub shoulders with the Sir Humphs in the pursuit of future contracts)
  • Dame Gill Morgan - Permanent Secretary, Welsh Assembly Government (Sir Humphry)
  • Lin Homer - Chief Executive, UK Border Agency (Sir Humphry)
All together now Lions': -
Funny thing is that they've put the entry form on the internet so any old Tom, Dick or Blogger can now submit their ideas for how the civil service can promote sustainability, skills, diversity or wellbeing; or demonstrate pride, pace, professionalism and passion.


Thursday, 9 April 2009

One rule for knacker...

Some years ago, a mate of mine was living in rented accommodation with some other mates. They had a problem with some aspect of the house so called in the landlord, who being a typical example of the breed was a cheapskate fuck didn't want to fix the problem. A heated argument broke out, words were exchanged; and the landlord left.

15 minutes later he dropped dead of a heart attack.

The landlords son, who was as big a fucker, phones the police and claimed that my mate pushed his father over, and suggested that this caused the heart attack.
Inspector knacker promptly went round to the flat, arrested him for murder and carted him off for questioning. 6 hours later after his flatmates gave statements demonstrating that he went nowhere near the landlord, he was released and sent on his way. Once in a while we remember about this, most recently at his wedding when his blushing bride did not look at all happy when the first she ever heard of it was during the best mans speech... But anyway.

Contrast this with the efforts of inspector knacker in London. In London a man walking away from a group of tooled up, masked thugs with attack dogs (and lets not forget that apparently the knacker is question was a member of a TSG team, TSG generally having a reputation for being prone to "baton first, arrest second, rough up in the van third" behavior), was attacked from behind with a baton, then pushed to the floor and left lying on the ground for passers by to help.
So what do knacker do?
They acknowledge that Mr Tomlinson came "into contact with police"before he died, and taken the TSG thug in for a nice chat and a "compare notebooks" session with the rozzers watchdog.

This quote is a fucking corker from the met spokesman
"A total of four officers, inclusive of this officer, have now come forward with potentially relevant information in relation to the investigation into the death of Mr Tomlinson."
What the spokesman should have added was
After they had a nice long week or so to compare notebooks and make sure their stories all matched.

So if you're an average bloke and it's alleged you pushed someone over who then died, you get arrested for murder. If you're a rozzer and you do the same you get an easy ride and anonymity.The fucker hasn't even been suspended pending an investigation.

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

They may not have murdered him....

...But they certainly didn't hold his hand while he crossed the road...


From the Grauniads website and spotted by Old Holborn.... Wonder how long it takes for this little gem to go viral - then inspector knacker is a bit fucked

Hero of the day - Parky

Seeing as he's old, retired and a bit of a national treasure, parky has used his position to say what many of us have been thinking

.....she came to represent "all that's paltry and wretched about Britain"

Her death is as sad as the death of any young person but it's not the passing of a martyr or a saint

She was brought up on a sink estate, as a child came to know both drugs and crime, was barely educated, ignorant and puerile

Thank fuck someone has broken the ranks of faux mourning and all the bullshit that has accompanied the slow lingering death of a stupid Essex racist. Pity he didn't give a good slagging off to the numpties who were throwing flowers at her funeral waggon at the weekend (hhad the misfortune to catch the "news" on saturday) - but you can't have it all ways...

For some reason I checked out the "speak your branes and was particularly impressed with the comment from "Debbie" who described her as "saint" - fucking deluded retard

And she can't spell "Angel"

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Hoon de jour - Ed Milliband

*with apologies for jumping on the Hoon bandwaggon*

Say hello to Scumbags nomination for todays biggest Hoon - Ed Milliband, brother of that condescending twat David.

Ed likes wind turbines.

Ed likes wind turbines a lot.

Ed has therefore decided that not liking wind turbines should now be "socially unacceptable", or to give this useless little turd ample rope to hang himself with:
"The Government needs to be saying 'It is socially unacceptable to be against wind turbines in your area - like not wearing your seat belt or driving past a zebra crossing.'
What the fuck?? The greenies really are getting desperate these days to convince an increasingly skeptical public about the evils of MMCC if they're reduced to this sort of bullshit. And this boy gets a ministerial salary, a whole department, and doubtless a whole army of toaies to tell him what a wonderful man he really is and how he's "making a difference". What a total Hoon.

Just fuck off Ed and take your piss-poor attempts at ramming your opinion down our throats with you

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

The wheels have fallen off Gordons waggon

Absolutely glorious - on the first day of his pre-G20 grandstanding tour, Dan Hannan gives him a good kicking in the EU parliament - genius.

Watch it and laugh

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Monday, 16 March 2009

Most cringeworthy newspaper front page of the day...

I saw this and had to fight down the desire to burn the newspaper stand to the ground

Pob continues her quest to die with no grace what so ever

Sunday, 15 March 2009

Oh happy days...

After match after match of shitty performances, sin-bins and general fuck-ups; this little picture brings the sunshine back

Nothing like a good bit of Kermit bashing to warm the cockles of your heart

Thursday, 12 March 2009

With apologies to Obnoxio The Clown....

I'm going to steal his letter because....

Students have ended their occupation of part of Newcastle University over the plight of Palestinians in Gaza

according to the BBC - problem was that this earth shattering event hadn't even made it outside the university walls (my better half works there and hadn't heard a thing about it).

The students called for a public condemnation of recent Israeli attacks in the region.

A spokesman for the demonstrators said: "The occupation itself has ended at this point because we have been promised that the necessary steps will be taken immediately for our demands to be realised.

"We have no guarantee that our demands will be met, but are confident that the appropriate people will be present at these talks to continue our campaign effectively
What a bunch of naive idealistic morons. I assume they ended the protest when someone called their parents

So Obnoxio's sample letter (reproduced here for all to glory in) is now winging it's way to the inbox of Miss Irene Brown the Head of Fine Art (which I assume is little trinkets and pottery based on this photo)

Dear Miss Brown,

I believe a bunch of posturing idiots have occupied university property in some kind of deranged attempt to attract attention to the Gaza crisis, because, of course, it hasn't dominated the news sufficiently.

Well, I'd like to say that as a taxpayer, I hope you will sling these pompous, overweening fuckwits out on the street as soon as possible. Failing which, if you would care to place them in stocks on the front steps so that we can all come round and throw rotten fruit, eggs and jagged boulders at them for wasting our money, not only on the subsidies we give them, but on the subsidies we give to people who want to study but now cannot.

Since I'm sure that in this limp-wristed age of pandering to the idiotic there will be no such option available to you, I can only offer my fervent hope that all these cunts simultaneously contract face cancer and die lingering deaths.

Yours, etc.

As my old history teacher once said - it's not plagarism if you quote your sources....

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Exclusive: First Jade Goody Wedding Photos Revealed

Exclusive - The Scumbag Times bring you the hottest celebrity gossip and pictures

Jade looked stuning as she lounged in a pile of cashew nut shells

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Kiss of death

As if having your husband facing up to playing some maffiosi's pink oboe for the next four and a half years wasn't bad enough, the kiss of death appears to be now upon the haggard face of Tessa Jowell with the news that the Gorgon himself has declared his full confidence in poor Tessa
Tessa Jowell is the minister for the Olympics in our government and she's doing a very good job and I have confidence in her ability to continue doing that job

She is well and truly fucked. But at least she got her fella to pay off her mortgage before he got caught

Saving The Health & Safety Executive Some Money

I'm a civic minded individual, and seeing as we're in a time of unprecedented global uncertainty and McBroon hasn't got round to saving the world just yet; I probably ought to put some of my time aside Pro Bono and do my civic duty.

So here's my report on an incident of some dozy 14 year old taff bint in Barry Island buring herself on a coin-op tan machine : -

Report of Injuries Sustained by Kirsty McRae of Barry Island, on the 16th Feb 2009, in the Yakky-Dah stand n'tan salon, Barry Island

Self inflicted due to stupidity



Funniest thing is that apparently her Mum is a health & safety officer.... Oh the fucking glorious irony

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Back in saddle

Not that anybody gives a rats fuck but real life has kind of got in the way of talking shite on here. If I cared enough I'd apologise. But I don't.

Back to business - what has caught my eye this week?? This little corker for a starters:

"The government could have to bail out Private Finance Initiative projects to the tune of £4bn in the next 18 months, an industry spokesman has warned."

What the fuck?? What the fucking fuck was that???
The government could have to bail out Private Finance Initiative projects to the tune of £4bn
Hang on a fucking minute - PFI works in 2 ways
1) the government transfer its assets like buildings over to PFI companies, pay the companies a ridiculous amount of wonga to run them, so the company has asset plus income. Or
2) The government pays a PFI company a ridiculous figure per year to supply them with a school, prison or hospital, getting thoroughly shafted into the the bargain and saddling the taxpayer with a 25 year-ish bill

So the PFI company is quids in - and lets not forget that at the height of the PFI bubble big companies were fighting like rats in a sack to get their lips round the governments teet - but yet when itall looks to go tits up they have the brass fucking balls to come back to the trough wanting bail-outs and more cash making .

The whole point of PFI is that the private sector take the risk in return for a huge wad of cash. Not take the cash in return for a taxpayer bailout if things get rocky.
Fuckers. Words fail me; especially when I end up agreeing with the fucking Lib Dems and their school of wolly thinking

"We need to be very careful about the taxpayer taking all the risks and the private partners taking all the benefits," (Vince Cable)

In other news, Lord Mandelson of Bum swears at a coffee retailer after they have the temerity criticise the state of our tattered economy. Bless

Saturday, 7 February 2009


Since it's Friday night and much single malt has been imbibed - I'll ask what everyone is thinking

How come this kermit.....

Manages to sweet-talk this lady.... Bearing in mind they are both french and therefore the "kermit bullshit" factor cancels out...


Good - harder next time

Far from me to encourage violence and law breaking...

But next time someone ought to at least punch the the cunt


Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Round 1 to the strikers

So it's over for now - a fudge has duly been made and some jobs will be given to UK workers.

Mandelsnake has been made to look a cock after saying it would be a "huge mistake" to engage in protectionism, which is exactly what happened after guarantees were given that over 50% of the workforce would be British.

The unions tried to put a glos on the whole thing claiming
people had had enough of employers using "unjust laws" to "pitch one European worker against fellow European workers" in the pursuit of profit
So a bit of good old British xenophobia never came into it then?? Of Course not. Salt of the earth those lads.

But where's going to be next?

My money's on train drivers

Monday, 2 February 2009

BNP on the up...

While attempting to throw abuse at Newcastle Council over the lack of road gritting (as per fucking usual - sackless bastards) I stumbled across this little factoid on the councils website

Byelection Results for Fenham Ward - 29 January 2009

Mitzi Emery (Lib-Dem) 1049
Helen McStravick (Lab) 1025
Ken Booth (BNP) 836
Sarah Armstrong (Con) 186

So the Tories got thrashed, the useless fuckers in the lib dems hold, and the BNP come third

But compare it to May 2008 elections
May 2008 Result: Lib-Dem 1491, Lab 1188, BNP 295, Con 290.

Yep - in just over 18 months the BNP have almost trebled their vote. Problem is that Fenham is heavily populated by 1st, 2nd & 3rd generation immigrant families, and in the past 10 years the ethinic minorities are now ethnic majorities.
Since the white minority left in the area by and large can't be arsed to get off their sofas and switch off Jeremy Kyle for anything less than cashing thier giros (and even then mostly can't spell X in order to actually vote) ; I wonder who is voting for the BNP in increasing numbers

Southern England shafted by 3 inches

Look mummy!! It's snowing!!!!

Fuck me sideways - it's a total breakdown of the UK!!!!! There must be all of, errrr, about 3 inches of snow outside!!!!

How you poor darlings must be coping with it down there I'll never know.

Global warming has spoiled you lot.

Update 5.15 pm.

The BBC says the country (i.e the south) is braced for another night of snow.

Hang in there you brave boys and girls.

Sunday, 1 February 2009

Good to see Hamas keeping the ceasfire

Peace continues to reign supreme in the middle east
two rockets hit southern Israel. Later three Israelis were injured in a mortar barrage by Palestinian militants

Sweet jesus.

Yet at the same time
An adviser to Ismail Haniya, who heads the Hamas government in Gaza, told AFP news agency the militant group was waiting for Israel's response to a truce offer, transmitted by Egypt, adding that things were "moving in a positive direction
I assume "Israel's response" will now be military - and understandably really since Hamas have a funny way of keeping a ceasefire.

Also to add into the mix, even the PLO are getting fucked off at the attitude of Hamas in Gaza these days
Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas told journalists in Cairo that talks were impossible with anyone who rejected the supremacy of the Palestine Liberation Organisation, in an apparent reference to Hamas's leadership.

He also accused Hamas of putting Palestinian lives at risk.

"They... have taken risks with the blood of Palestinians, with their fate, and dreams and aspirations for an independent Palestinian state,"

But at least Hamas are fighting a clean, ethical liberation struggle
a rocket landed between two nursery schools in Eshkol region of southern Israel, media reports said
Which seems to fit with the Hamas tactics from back in early January when Mahmoud al-Zahar said:
The Israelis have sentenced their children to death... They have legitimized the killing of their people all over the world
What a nice chap he isn't

In other news those loonies at the stop the war coalition have organised a "songs for gaza" event. I can hardly fucking wait,

Green really is the new Nazism

With scorn poured on it from most angles and in far more elequent / sweary terms than I can; I probably should just leave it at calling Jonathon Porritt a vile fucker, who should fuck off back to whatever stone he crawled out from under rather than suckling from the carbon-producing taxpayers teet (the hypocritical bastard).

You are free to do as we tell you
"I think we will work our way towards a position that says that having more than two children is irresponsible" - Herr Porritt
Porritt is chair of The Optimum Population Trust (a charity, 'natch) - who seem to want to encourage the limiting of the population by whatever means possible (though I suspect being a bunch of tree-hugging lefties it won't include concepts such as placing theoretical caps on annual immigration as that's beyond the pale for most lefties - it's easier to harrang the existing population)
Porritt, a former chairman of the Green party, says the government must improve family planning, even if it means shifting money from curing illness to increasing contraception and abortion
Thus we have the invention of a new reason to abort "I'm savin' the environment innit". I wonder how they will square the circle of respecting cultural diversity (where cultures dictate large families) and saving the planet - but doubtless the catholics will be fair game.
He also seems to advocate letting people die to save the planet. Cunt

Saturday, 31 January 2009

And this is why we shouldn't trust electronic enforcement

Because some corrupt bastard will abuse it.

Thousands of drivers in Italy are expected to seek compensation after it was revealed that a system to catch them jumping red lights was rigged.

Yep - you read it right - but here's the killer

More than 100 people, including police officers, are being investigated as part of the fraud.

And to cap it all off...
More than 100 other people including 63 police commanders are also being investigated as part of the scam

Power corrupts??? No fucking shit Sherlock.

End of the day, if you build a computer system to photograph driver based on them cutting a red light by 3 seconds, or by 5 seconds, it hangs on what a programmer says it should do (and this can always be changed for profit or fun) - so why are we still persisting with the lie that a secure ID database will be uncorruptable?

Friday, 30 January 2009

The peasants are revolting

So it begins... And earlier than I expected as well (I had my money on mid June when the proles went to convert their holiday money into euros for the fortnight in Benidorm and realised how fucked our currency is against the euro).

It appears that the peasants have reverted to solidarity strikes and random walkouts in heavy industry up and down the country (though correct me if I'm wrong - but I though secondary action was illegal? I'd laugh my fucking tits off if the bastards all got the sack) as they're upset that Johnny foreigner is getting the work (though they probably only have themselves to blame when the Wops are a better employment prospect that the average UK numpty)

So we now have the hilarious situation of the unions, who lets not forget are normally rabidly pro-EU, having to back their members in a dispute where they will be forced to criticise the EU for it's free trade. Oh the delicious joy of it all, compounded by the fact that Cyclops will have to bow to his union paymasters and fudge some solution (inevitably pissing off the EU who will doubtless threaten action) to keep the unions happy.
So how they can reconcile this:
Pat McFadden, minister for employment relations, said Mr Brown had not meant UK firms would be encouraged to flout European laws on free mobility of labour when he promised "British jobs for British workers"
With this: -
Some of these companies ... are saying they will exclusively debar UK workers, they will not consider UK workers under any circumstances - Derek Simpson, Unite general secretary

Will be an even bigger joy. I believe the phrase "he who pays the piper call the tune" will now apply and nulabour will be fucked either way. Happy days. Expect the shit to hit the fan on Monday when the unions all get together and plan their next move, while the average heavy industry worker goes and has a chat to his local BNP rep.

Friday, 23 January 2009

Sarah Richardson is.....



And there I was thinking only the fucking Chinese did this sort of crazy shit over a chuffing computer app... But apparently not.

Sarah Richardson invoked the wrath of her hubby by changing her facebot status to "single". In response he stabbed and killed her - jesus wept. This country gets more surreal every day.

Edward Richardson is: Now doing time

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

More Courage

From the author of this: -

We get yet more bottling

Ministers (and for that we can read "Brown") have shelved plans to exempt MPs' expenses details from the Freedom of Information Act, after the Tories and Lib Dems said they would fight it.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown said the government had thought it had cross-party agreement but would now "continue to consult on the matter".

Unbelievable - just this morning he was wheeling out a 3 line whip, 12 hours later it's all in tatters. Perhaps now we'll finally get to see what the great & the good at Westminster blow our taxes on

I love the screeching sound of a U-turn

Sunday, 18 January 2009

Are you the Judean Peoples Front??

....And as well know - the correct response is "Fuck off" - as demonstrated by some photos from the Trots assembly in Sheffield yesterday.

Witness this woman, covering all her leftie bases with a "No to Isreali Defence Force, No To Hamas" banner (with it's other side blathering something about solidarity with women & comrades). This seemingly level headed approach seemed out of touch with some at the march, with them taking offence at being against agression on both sides.
Thus we have this man (complete with megaphone for slogan shouting)

Ripping the "No to IDF, No To Hamas" banner off some young lassy, trashing it, and then getting back to the serious business of shouting in this hillarious montage of solidarity with fellow comrades

In the last image - notice the man with the brown coat in the foreground? He now decides to get involved

He moves in to finish the job, before rejoining his wife & watching kids, who doubtless have enjoyed seeing daddy get angry

Isn't it fun when comrades fall out?

Good money after bad

Jesus wept.

Having spunked 37 billion up the wall bailing out feckless bankers and having seen it totally fail; what does the dear leader do??

You guessed it - He announces he'll spunk another 10+ billion (probably, and at least) of our money up the wall bailing out yet more feckless bankers and failed financial institutions from their own incompetence and greed.

What an absolute sackless shite we have as a leader

Ceasefire? What ceasefire

So after a lot of to'ing and fro'ing, and both sides hollering "war crime!" at each other. Israel was finally pushed into declaring a ceasefire.

So what happens??
A volley of rockets has been fired into southern Israel from Gaza, hours after a unilateral Israeli ceasefire began.
Oh for fucks sake. So what happens?
Israel launched an air strike on Gaza in response.
No surprise there really. What did Hamas think would happen? After someone's just given you a good kicking, you don't call their mother a slut.

Of course it would be outrageous to suggest that Hamas actually wants a fight wouldn't it?

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Proof the trots really don't have any grip

H/T to Harrys Place

Before the messiah even takes office, the commies have decried him as a terrorist.

Fucking nutters

Next time I am in Newcastle on a Saturday (presumably the only day of the week the socialist worker brigade are allowed out because they have done their homework on time) I plan to give these fuckers some shit for being off the fucking radar.

Also this sets a new record in the "how rapidly the mighty are fallen" stakes

Friday, 16 January 2009

More god botherers chuck bricks out of pram

Hot(ish) on the heels of the BA woman and her crucifix, and the bloke who wouldn't give relationship advice to gays comes yet another god botherer who refuses to drive his bus because Richard Dawkins & co have put a "there's probably no god" advert on it.

So say hello to Ron Heather.

Ron Heather, from Southampton, Hampshire, responded with "shock" and "horror" at the message and walked out of his shift on Saturday in protest.
Has he been sacked or even reprimanded for causing inconvenience to customers of First Bus, who - doubtless because they have to get the bus in the first place - are the usual mix of the elderly, the infirm and the skint? Of course he hasn't -
"I felt that I could not drive that bus, I told my managers and they said they haven't got another one and I thought I better go home, so I did.
So Ron goes off in a huff, and his employers do this:
First Bus said it would do everything in its power to ensure Mr Heather does not have to drive the buses. When he returned to work on Monday he was called into a meeting with managers and agreed to go back to work with the promise he would only have to drive the buses if there were no others available
What the fuckidy-fuck??? I'm not nostradamus, but I'm guessing the fuckers in his union has some pressure to bear on this one (as they always do, bastards).

But understand this Ron - you are employed to drive people from place to place and collect fares - the colour, or advertising on your bus will in no way affect your ability to do this - be it red, blue of fucking glittery pink, you drive the bus and that is the end of it. Your contract does not give you the right to decide the livery and advertising of your bus. You are a hyper-senitive fucker and deserve the sack for refusing to do your job; not fucking tea & sympathy for your excessive sensitivity. At what point did you think you have the right to renegotiate your terms & conditions based on the adverts on your bus? You don't like it then quit and get a job bringing the light of christ into peoples lives. Or maybe not.

Sack the bastard and see how his faith will provide him with a living wage in the middle of a recession. Stupid twat.

Thursday, 15 January 2009

I predict a riot

Not that I give a flying shit. But if you plan on visiting London this saturday, the soap-dodgers, guardian readers & foaming mouthed trots who make up the stop the war coalition, bolstered by assorted Hamas / Iran / Al qaeda supporters and that cock George Galloway will be holding another day of anger in Trafalgar square. Doubtless topped off by a walk to the Israeli embassy for another dust-up with plod

I'm assuming it'll be along similar lines to last week (ineffectual hippy girl tries to control young masked Muslim men and stop them throwing shit at the rozzers)

Maybe this time they'll kick-off properly and we'll get to see angry young men being water-cannoned into the gutter.

Another Loony North East Councillor

Meet Councillor Henri Murison, (representative for Heaton South, Newcastle)

Crazy name, crazy guy.

But behind those glasses is the mind of a man who is so dense he thinks he can embark on a 1-man crusade to remove the burger from the hands of the average tyneside drinker and replace it with a healthy salad box.

What a fucking cretin

Henri, being a labour party member - and hence desperate to kill off the free market and replace it with his own ideas of what is required for the populace - is very keen that people who have spent the entire night filling their guts with lager, smirnoff ice, cheap spirits etc have the opportunity to undo all that harm by forcing them to eat salads instead of a nice mechanically recovered meat patty in a bun.

Thus, in his desperation to enforce what he feels is "the right thing to do", and being unable to wheel out the "will someone think of the children" as justification; is using the "public health" card to force burger vans to offer low fat alternatives. Sadly this lunatic seems to have overlooked a few small facts: -
  • Salads after a night on the piss are not an appetising option - a nice steaming pile of meat is
  • Most of the residents of the north east are already fat fuckers who have been dodging salads as a region for the past 50 years - an extra burger after a night on the wife-beater will not make things any worse now.
  • It is so, unbelievably, anti-free market and idiotically anti-small business it's fucking staggering. Personally I'd not touch a burger from a van with a shitty stick. But if you force them to sell healthy options and restrict their trade, the punters will bugger off to mcdonalds, subway or elsewhere (who these days are open till dawn in most cities), and have an equally unhealthy mcshit in a bun, to the detriment of the small business.
So there we have it - Henri doesn't believe in free enterprise, is a dillusional control freak who thinks he can make the people of tyneside thin, and really needs to get a grip

Note: - despite reading this story in my local free rag that gets shoved through the door if I want it or not along with a clutch of adverst for "Jobbing" (pikey) builders, double glazing fuckers and pizza companies; I can't find it anywhere on the web or even on the local rags website - happily though their website did inform me that Greggs plan to provision a drive through pastie outlet on Tyneside. Oh fucking joy

Monday, 12 January 2009

Crispy Pancake Shortage, Riots on Tyneside

Browns Bullshit Corporation are reporting that the factory that manufactures Findus Crispy Pancakes has gone bust - with Longbenton's (a shitty little hole in the shitty big hole that is North Tyneside) sponsorship status now under threat (and I shit you fucking not - Longbenton really boasts that it is "sponsored by findus crispy pancakes" - look!!)

Having worked in this craphole I fully expect the fat fuckers of north tyneside to drag themselves off their sofas, down to iceland and riot for their right to eat shitty mechanically recovered meat wrapped in lard and breadcrumbs.

Councillor Ahmed Khan

This grinning baldy b'stard

is a truancy encouraging, divisionist idiot who is quite prepared to hide behind schoolchildren and fuck up their education to show "solidarity" with the Palestinians.
Muslim children took the day off school to hold a protest over the violence in Gaza.
Did they now??? No Christians allowed? No Jews? Sikhs? Or would their parents have objected to being used as political tools by some grandstanding councillor? Or is there another card being played?

Councillor Ahmed Khan of the Beacon and Bents ward, who organised the event, said there were no banners and the vigil was be "non-disruptive."
Congratulations Ahmed - because a "disruptive" protest about violence in Gaza would have been a bit stupid eh? And a "disruptive" protest is actually, errr, normally called "a riot" you tosser.

So what have we got on the charge sheet then?
  • Encouraging mass truancy
  • Manipulation of children
  • Manipulation of ethinic minorities
  • Questionable moral behaviour
Utter despicable moron

A South Tyneside Council spokesman said: "We sympathise with everyone who has concerns about the loss of life and horrific injuries on both sides of the conflict.

"However, in line with guidance from the government, we will be advising head teachers to mark the absences as unauthorised.

Good - I have made a complaint to South Tynesides truancy officer as per their web page regarding truancy and asked for councilor Kahn to be investigated.

There will also be a complaint to the standards board, and depending if I have any beer tonight, an e-mail to Ahmed to enquire how he justifies the loss of around 600 hours of valuable education to ethnic minorities, who are often the most excluded in the education system - his e-mail is ahmed.khan(at) if anyone else wants to ask him as well

Ahmed - you are a manipulative piece of work

Thursday, 8 January 2009

Newcastle Council are a bunch of Twats

The idiotic Lib Dem shitehawks who run Newcastle council have decided that they will use my taxes to spunk up the wall on Keynesian spending plans including "Regeneration projects" (Pikey builders putting shitty double glazing and loft lagging into the houses of the workshy), "Raising benefits" (again for the workshy / lazy) and "Pensions" (doubtless gold-plating the ones of the overpaid fuckers leading the council on 100+K a year).

Utter, utter bastards - what should my heard earned pay be blown on feather-bedding the bastards who already get the moon on a fucking stick. Why can't they get their pitiful brains round the concept that you cannot spend your way out of a recession by taxing the working stiffs - possibly because they nicked the idea from central government (doubtless on the logic that if the Gorgon is screwing the country rotten propping up failed banks, no-one will notice if they follow his lead), and partially because the Lib Dems are at risk of getting the boot at the next local elections if they're not seen to make sure the fat and lazy get their council tax benefits and free sauna sessions.

The only rays of hope are that they'll spend some of the money on improving the absolutely shoddy road network up here (though the amount of work they'll get out of 7 mil won't be much based on the time it took them to widen 200 meters of road by 8 meters - 6 fucking months) and sacking some 500 diversity caseworkers and organic beansprout advisers.

Happily though in the interests of interactivity I was able to tell them what a bunch of twats they were via their "what do you think of our budget" feedback page on the website. But I doubt they'll listen

Destination: Hell. Method of Transport: Handcart

Proof positive that the idiots running this country are even more bonkers than we thought comes via an extended rant by Bristol Dave - excellent but scary stuff - it appears that Bristol council truly have lost the plot

And The Fucker Walked Away

I wonder how long he rolled around on the floor clutching his face like the overpaid cunt he his


Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Bricks, Prams etc

Can normal service resume now?

Monday, 5 January 2009

Shame (Part 2)

Oh what a pity this happened: -

Jug eared child killer Sean Mercer got a good kicking over Christmas at HMP Moorland in Doncaster.

And I'm sure if we all listen carefully we can hear the sound of the smallest violin in the world striking up a tune just for poor little Sean.

A Prison Service spokeswoman said: "We can confirm an incident took place at HMP Moorland at 2.30pm on Saturday, December 27, in which two prisoners assaulted each other.

"The incident lasted less than two minutes and was quickly resolved by the timely intervention of staff."
And a tenner says that for about 1 minute 50 seconds of the incident, the prison staff were standing just round the corner, possibly counting the number of bricks in the wall.

Scumbag knows a few people who work as a prison guards and has been told a rather hearwarming story of some crim or the other, freshly delivered to prison after being found guilty of murdering some granny. The guards delivered him into a room containing other prisoners - who'd been tipped off about this fuckers arrival and the reasons behind his conviction - went out of the room, counted slowly to 100, went back into the room and dragged said crim out of the room and off to have his injuries treated.

Sean Mercer has 22 years of beatings to look forward to - some involving a pool cue no doubt.

Sunday, 4 January 2009

A Euro sceptic in charge of the EU

The czech's are now holding the EU presidency, and their president is a bit of a forthright fella (the translation is a babelfish one - hence some of the odd wording) who seems very suspicious of the EU as a whole

The Kermit paper Le Monde approached him for an off the cuff interview and got a fantastic rebuff:-

Klaus: “An interview with Le Monde? No!.

La Monde: “??”

Klaus: “No, do not insist! You are of the left, and fanatically pro-european!

Class - this promises to be an interesting 6 months in EU-land and I'll lay money on there being a bunch of fucked off euro-nuts at the end of it


Apparently George Galloway was "injured" yesterday during the protests yesterday

I do hope it was serious.


Update: -

And here's a picture from yesterday that gives it all away, amusingly dwarfing the "Israel = terror" banner just behind it.

I expect to see all these people out in support of Zimbabwe, Darfur etc. Or maybe not

Funny places to put temperature sensors

All photos shamelessly nicked from Watts up with that

Apparently in the "monitoring the climate" game, you have to be a little bit careful where you position the sensors, bearing in mind that too close to man-made objects, sources of heat retention, excess heat / cold etc can screw up the readings and give false data trends. so it's a little surprising where the sensors end up - as these photos illustrate

On top of a fire station next to a load of air-con units

Smack bang between a couple of sewage units

Just outside a funeral home

Fucking geniuses these climate experts - in any normal scientific study this sort of basic category of mistakes in gathering data would invalidate the results of the whole thing - but apparently not when it's in the service of pedalling the dogma of Gore & Co.

Break out the wellies

Apparently those nostradamus types at the met office have predicted another scorching year.

Yep, just like last years wash-out - where the fuckers predicted a year of record temperatures (top 10) - which was well wide of the mark (thinks got colder apparently), and their autumn 08 prediction that this winter would be mild and dry (as the brass monkeys continue to loose all sensation in their brass monkeys).

Scumbags prediction for the summer is that it will be as shit as ever: - festivals, the tennis and the cricket will be a wash-out as per fucking normal, some part of the west country will end up under 3 feet of water, and shares in sandbags will rise.

I give it 2 weeks till some bastard talks about a hose-pipe ban

Saturday, 3 January 2009

Soap dodgers all in a lather

So the stop the war protest got nasty eh? Now there's a suprise.

Scumbag's standard recipe for a police vs leftie stand-off: -
  1. Take a few thousand ultra-lefties, guardian readers, anarchists and the 4 remaining socialist worker readers
  2. Mix with a dollop of that odious shite Galloway, some respect members and a couple of mullahs
  3. Egg the numbers up to thick end of 100,000 (like the million that supposedly marched protesting about Iraq)
  4. Burn a couple of flags
  5. Have a break-away group go off-planned route and pitch up near the Israeli embassy
  6. Break through barriers
  7. Pelt police with assorted stones, sticks and such
  8. Hang around and refuse to disperse / continue marching (marching, being the main activity in a march, otherwise it would be called a "hanging around"
  9. Bleat like hell when police move in.

Getting on the wrong end of a baton charge is what happens when you stand at the front when those behind you are chucking shit at plod - not pissing off straight away is a sure-fire way to end up getting a good filling in.

One protester Stephen Hodgkins, 38, also said police had charged several times. "People were crying, they were very, very upset. It was just shocking," he said. "Unfortunately, what it has now done is provoke an otherwise peaceful demonstration."

Nope boyo, the provoking was done by the people throwing shit about.

Water cannon the bastards - they'll be less inclined to hang about when they're soaked to the skin

Happy Easter

Popping into my local tesco extra this afternoon for beer & a paper, the bastards have already got the fucking cadburys creme eggs and mini eggs on sale.

Shitting hell, it must be Easter

Friday, 2 January 2009

BBC's usual standards apply

Spotted over at Biased BBC

It seems that their "diary of an aid worker" feature is written by a member of Islamic Relief Worldwide - who (quel surprise) have some links to Hamas
For years Islamic Relief Worldwide has denied they were linked to terrorism . The group which is based in the UK and Burbank California raised money after 9/11 using the pretext of helping victims. With the arrest of one of their British operatives in Israel who admitted funding Hamas it is to be hoped that IRW will go the way of KinderUSA and KindHearts,which were closed down by the U.S. Treasury Department because of terrorism funding

Incredible - the BBC happily broadcasts the diaries of a group who have links to one side in the conflict, and spin them as some sort of "account of a neutral"

Utter bastards...

Not that I should be surprised.

And in other news, bears continue to shit in the woods

Those cuddly Jihadists are at it again

from the grauniad

A jihadist group, the Followers of Ahlulsunnah Al Jamal, today organised a protest march from the Central Mosque in Regent's park to the US embassy. Their placards declared: 'Shariah for Palestine', 'United Nations Go To Hell - Islam Is The Only Solution' and 'Hands off Muslims'.
Oh dear.....

But why are jihadist groups picking Regents Park Mosque as a starting point? Oh yeah...

Women preachers in one of Britain's most influential mosques are calling on Muslims to kill homosexuals and adulterers, a television documentary will reveal tonight.

During a hardline rant at the London Central Mosque, one preacher said Muslims who switch to another religion should also be slaughtered.

They describe Britain as the 'land of evil' and say the behaviour of other races is 'vile'.

In one of the recordings, a speaker says of the Jews: 'Their time will come, like every other evil person's time will come.'

So it's a hotbed of liberalism & tolerance then which has form for not just solidarity with the Palestinians but generally hating everything non-Muslim - plus a nice line in slogans.
The interesting one that gives it away though is the "Sharia for Palestine" one - notably not "freedom for Palestine", or even "what do we want? Palestine! When do we want it? etc etc"; because it's crystal clear that Sharia and freedom are mutually exclusive.

Wonder if inspector knacker turned out to film it?

Whatever floats your boat Gordon

From the snot gobblers new year message

What keeps me up at night, and gets me up in the morning are the hopes and aspirations of the British people

I pity his wife.

Oh I hope so

This could set the cat loose among the pigeons and no mistake
Nearly every speed camera in Britain could be declared unlawful as a result of a concerted legal challenge to the entire programme.

It appears that back in the grey days of the early 90's before Tony and his band of merry muppets came along and "saved" us all, the home office may have made a bit of a lash-up over the 1991 road traffic act. All cameras in use at the time were given a blanket approval, but the argument goes that the consent could only apply to technology in use at the time, and not the mess of new cameras that we now have milking the motorists across the country. Thus the new cameras couldn't have consent under the terms of the 91 act, and are therefore illegal.

However since most of the judiciary are more than happy to toady to the government in the hope of an honour or 2, I really can't see this one succeeding due to the complex house of cards that it would upset. But it's nice to have hope once in a while.

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Up yours Barroso!

The governments propaganda unit (AKA the BBC) seem to have gone a little off message with the happy news that 71% of Britons still think the Euro is a waste of space.

So it appears that despite the dear leaders best efforts to screw the pound totally so they're now of equal value, and that chubby fool Jose Manuel Barroso proclaiming that we were "closer than ever before", we still don't want Brussels running our financial affairs any more than Brown & Co have signed away already.

Despite millions spent on propoganda, the people of this septic isle still totally reject the Euro, and doubtless much of the other crap that comes with the EU project - which explains why they'll do anything to give us that referendum.

That's cheered me up no end considering what a dull, cold day it it out there generally. All I need to hear is that Ed Balls has gone under a bus and I'll retire to bed a happy man today